Bring on the Vile Carrion-Feeders of Baltimore!

Al Uhrich provides his entertaining and hilarious commentary on the Colts and their upcoming opener against the Baltimore Ravens!

Hello my friends!!

Recently confined to my computer chair due to a freak breakdancing accident, I was alarmed and overjoyed as I read the news about our recent defensive tackle derring-do by Colts management and owner extraordinaire, Diamond Jim Irsay.

I will elaborate, but first….

I had hit football fanatic rockbottom, my friends -  Preseason Purgatory had kicked in, bigtime. Injuries, albeit primarily minor ones, were decimating the Colts and causing my protruding, Neanderthal brow to furrow with worry.

The Colts D was again looking sieve-like versus the run; the second-string offensive line was looking, well, second string-like.

What were the two areas the Colts had to address to take the next step? Run the ball, and stop the run.  And thus far, in preseason, the Colts were failing at both.

Now granted, it was basically their second-string D-line and safeties taking the field for the most part. But with the additional loss of Kendyll Pope, my usual optimistic feelings had gone for a bad trip, and faster than you can say, Whizzinator, I was beginning to lose my natural Colts buzz!!

This despite one great point that preseason had made apparent -- the Colts defense now had three bonafide  STALLIONS ready to saddle up:

Dwight the Fright…
Bob the Impaler…
Marlin "Action" Jackson

Check that…FOUR, if you count pass rusher par excellence Robert "Johnny" Mathis -- and I do.

I cannot wait to see them all on the field together in the regular season. I just hope it happens soon, as in "Week One" soon.

Jackson looks like he was an absolute steal falling to the Colts at the end of the first round (even more insane was how he fell to me in the ColtPower Mock Draft, when I scored him in Round 2!!). But despite how great Sanders, Jackson and Mathis had looked, and knowing Freeney would be back in time, I was still concerned about the D, primarily in the middle. It had been getting thumped on like a bass drum. And with a number of starters still questionable for the Baltimore game, the situation wasn't exactly looking rosey.

This game against the Ravens, in week one no less, could prove to be the most physical, hard hitting and downright violent game of the whole season.

The Ravens' game plan? Defense -- and run the football.

Will the Colts' run defense be able to hold their own? It was looking a tad doubtful to this eternal optimist, I must confess.   But then, out of the blue, owner Jim Irsay and his management posse take a massive step in that direction by jumping on the opportunity that knocked when Corey Simon suddenly became available. Having him fall into the Colts' lap at this juncture is truly a gift from the gridiron gods.

With Montae Reagor back for the opener, and with Simon getting in for a number of plays at opportune times (as he learns the system), things are looking a whole lot better. For the opener, and even moreso for the games beyond.

Has the Colts' run defense improved? We are guaranteed to find out on Sunday night, Sept. 11th in Baltimore. Because they are going to POUND at Indianapolis' defensive middle with Jamal Lewis, fresh from his stay at the luxurious Crowbar Motel.

Sorry Melvin Kiper, but Kyle Boller IS NOT the answer.

Hopefully Bob The Impaler will be good to go. It's a real shame that a number of cheesy injuries may have studs like Sanders, Jackson, Freeney, Reagor and Strickland limited (or not play at all), in that game, and also that the Colts are going to be without "The Hitman", Mike Doss. Doss is the kind of player I want in there against that Ravens team. Say what you want about his pass coverage skills; the man is a hitter, and a force against the run. Watching him and Bob Sanders take turns harpooning Mister Lewis would have been glorious. Now it's up to Bob alone (cross fingers… now!) to try and go "Aliens" on the Ravens RB and fill Colts fans with glee as his helmeted cranium erupts from Lewis' chest cavity!!

PS – "RB", when referencing Jamal Lewis, stands for, "Rampaging Behemoth." Just ask the Cleveland Browns.  If Lewis was Godzilla the past few seasons, the Browns have been his Tokyo.

This game is going to be a slugfest, and would be tailor-made for Mister Doss. Without him, the task will be tougher, but thanks to the generous nature and impressive coffers of Jim Irsay, Corey "The Cavalry" Simon has arrived -- hopefully, just in the nick of time.

So adios, preseason - begone!! I bid you adieu; you will not be missed!

Let's roll gang, Simon says bring on the vile Carrion-Feeders of Baltimore!


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