The 12th Man's Power Poll

ColtPower's "Twelfthman", Richard Garrett provides you with his unique team rankings based on his own formula. See where all 32 teams landed this week!

Where are those Bears Cheerleaders?  Stood me up two weeks in a row now.  The Bears still have the best defense in the NFL, but are regressing off of their mountain ever so slightly.  Injuries on the offensive side of the ball could have some impact over the next few weeks.  As far as the quarterback controversy goes, I say, "Dance with the one that brought you."

The Colts offense continues to move up in the offensive rankings. They have settled in at #1 this week, followed closely by the Seahawks.  The Colts continued good play on both sides of the ball gives them an increased lead over the second ranked Panthers.  I hope Peyton Manning's hypnotist didn't convince him he was playing the Texans last week.  He might think he is playing the Pats this week!  Oh, horror.  However, the Colts should be 9 – 0 going into Cincy next week.

John Gruden better go find Dr. Jekyll, because Mr. Hyde ain't getting it done.  The Bucs have been dropping steadily since week six.  Now at #11, this team is in danger of missing the playoffs.  GRAVE DANGER?  Is there any other kind?

Big game this weekend for the Dolphins.  If they can beat the Evil PatriOTs, they will take over first place in the AFC Least.  The Evil PatriOTs got trounced at home last week by the Glorious Colts.  It was a great win.  And Brady looked so pathetic with his head laid back on the bench, then hunched over like dog with it's tail between it's legs.  Ahhhhhhhhhh.  But I digress as I relish in the moment.  The Dolphins offense must take advantage of a weak PatriOTs secondary or Brady will end up winning this game by himself.  I believe the BEAT DOWN the PatriOTs took from the Colts will have an impact.  GO FISH!

Just a quick FYI, this poll is supposed to be different from the national ones you see.  I base it on mathematical equations looking at 7 different criteria on both offense and defense.  Then, I add them together for a total score.  I don't take into account records, opponents, or injuries.  It is supposed to be another perspective to keep you thinking.  The grades following each team is for offense and defense respectively.

Here we go with the Week 9 Power Poll:

1. Indianapolis Colts (A)(B): Man, I need a cigarette.  I mean, that BEAT DOWN of the PatriOTs was better than sex.

2. Carolina Panthers (B)(B): Best team in the NFC.  Good balance on both sides of the ball.  Barring injury, it looks like a Colts/Panthers date in Detroit.  Let's just hope we get a payback for the loss of that Bratzke interception two years ago.

3. Seattle Seahawks (A-)(C): Looks like they will win the West.  Hmmm, I wonder if they can win anything else?  Probably not.

4. Dallas Cowboys (B-)(B+): Big game for the Boys this week.  They need this game to stay in the division hunt.

5. Cincinnati Bengals (B)(B-): Bengals have two weeks to prepare for the Colts.  Chad Johnson better make his list and check it twice.

6. Atlanta Falcons (B)(C+): Vick had a good week.  Let's see if he can keep it up.

7. Pittsburgh Steelers (B-)(B): Charlie did OK against the Pack.  Charlie? Browns?  I wonder if Lucy will let him kick the ball this year?

8. New York Giants (B) (B-): Eli better have his Capital One card with him this weekend. The Vikings will be looking to ravage his credit score.

9. Chicago Bears (D+)(A): I wonder if those Cheerleaders were in a bathroom stall in Baton Rouge last weekend?  Although I hear a lot about how the offense is getting better, my numbers don't show it.

10. San Diego Chargers (A-)(C-): Slipped by the Jets.  Best team in the West can't afford to slip.

11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (C-)(B+): They named a TV show after these guys.  LOST.

12.     Jacksonville Jaguars (B-)(C+): Damnation!  The numbers tell me this team is better than I see them play.  I just hope the Ravens can peck a hole in their record.

13. Denver Broncos (B+)(C-): Their record says they are better than my numbers.  Looking forward to some division match-ups.

14. Kansas City Chiefs (B-)(C-): He who takes the risk, reaps the benefit.  Gutsy call by the coach.  Great execution by the offense.

15. Detroit Lions (D+)(B): Dear Santa...please send us a Peyton Manning quarterback doll for Christmas.  It will be much better than our current roster of quarterbacks.

16. Washington Redskins (C+)(C): Joe Gibbs should have stayed in NASCAR.  How is Tony Stewart doing?  Better than the Skins.

17. Oakland Raiders (B-)(D+): Tough loss last week to a Good/Bad Chiefs team.  Must win against the Broncos or their playoff hopes disappear.

18.     Philadelphia Eagles (C)(C-): If Mama McNabb puts some magic beans in that Chunky soup, the Eagles can beat the Cowboys.

19. Green Bay Packers (C)(C-): Best of luck in your retirement, Brett.

20. Miami Dolphins (D)(C): Nick Saban meets his mentor for the first time this weekend.  You think Billy boy was PO'd when the Colts beat him last week?  Just wait until the Dolphins put the BEAT DOWN on him.  Ahhhhh, Grasshopper.  You must be ready to face the Master.

21. St. Louis Rams (C+)(D): Rams always seem to get it done against the Seahawks.

22. Buffalo Bills (C)(D+): Good/Bad Chiefs are due for their Bad game.

23. Tennessee Titans (C-)(C-): PacMan may someday be a great corner.  But not anytime soon.  I teach my 5th and 6th graders to tackle better than that.

24. New York Jets (D)(C): Hanging with the electric boys from San Diego was impressive.  However their lack of a steady QB will be their demise.

25. Cleveland Browns (D)(C): Romeo. Romeo....wherefore art thou team, Romeo? Surely you can beat Charlie Batch. And congratulations on that Titans win.

26. Wandering in the Wilderness Saints (D+)(C-): Terry Bradshaw leads a buying group for the Saints?  Talk about the buffoon in the corner office.  I still say Saints moving towards the Land of Milk and Honey.

27. Baltimore Ravens (D)(C): Played some pretty good teams tough.  With Boller back...oh, never mind.

28. EVIL New England PatriOTs (B-)(F+): BEAT DOWN by the Colts.  I love that phrase.  This could be a turning point in the season, for the worse in New England.  Brady and his receivers made a few plays, but Tedy "AFC Defensive Player of the Week" Bruschi sure didn't.

29. Minnesota Vikings (D)(D): I don't think they get it done in NY.

30. Arizona Cardinals (F+)(C): The best quarterback on the team should be playing.  But then we would have to listen to Kurt's wife on all the radio shows.

31. Houston Texicans (C-)(F+): Texicans certainly played well enough to win at Jacksonville last week.  I certainly hope the Colts don't fall into this trap game.

32. San Francisco 49ers (D-)(D-): Stinks to have the first overall pick in the NFL Draft two years in a row. But since they made a mistake last year, I guess they'll get a do-over. 

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