A Little Slap In The Chops That Will Pay Off

Just in case any of you are in a "Gloomy Gus" kind of mood today, we're going to unleash a healthy portion of Tony Clifton whackiness on you. So read on....and don't try to drink anything as you do. You'll be sure to smile, chortle, and maybe even guffaw compliments of Mr. Clifton.

As Michael "The Grinch" Turner sprinted down the sideline towards the Colts endzone, I swear to you, Roy Orbison appeared in the upper lefthand corner of my Sony bigscreen, crooning, "It's over, it's over, it's OHHHHH-VERRRR."

And I say to you Senor Orbison, "Big deal, you pasty-faced, toupeed freak!"

There will be no undefeated season in Whoville, Indiana.

But there will be a bye week, and a postseason with much promise. So Colt fans of the world, I submit to you:

Make like the folks of Doctor Seuss' Christmas classic, and take some deep breaths. Sing a carol or too. This loss matters not. For this season to be really, truly satisfying, the Colts need to win the Super Bowl. And that, I feel, would be the case, whether we had defeated the Chargers or not.

To expect the Colts to be at their absolute best for the Bolts game would have been a tad naïve, methinks. To expect the Chargers to be anything less than maniacal in their efforts would likewise have been daffy. So the Colts lost a very close game, perhaps due to one questionable "gamble", by their best player, the league's best player, at the goal line. I think it speaks volumes about this team that it could have (and perhaps should have) still won the game.

No one likes losing, but I think this will insure that the players are focused on what matters most. That if there were any players who were starting to actually believe the hype, they will be reminded of what Peyton has repeatedly stated -- how winning in the NFL should never be taken for granted. It's just too hard to do.

The great ones in sports come back stronger from setbacks. And this is a minor setback, unless you were really hoping to have your cake and eat it, too.

The Colts defense is an outstanding unit, which most people were doubting until about the last three weeks. Then, EVERYONE was preaching their greatness. They gave up, in the words of Jesse "The Body" Huffman, "Three Big Plays."

MAYBE this little slap in the chops will pay off when they start playing for keeps.

The O-line may get a little fired up after watching tape of Charger defenders attempting to pave the floor of the RCA Dome with the NFL MVP's flesh and bones. Mister Lilja may be a tad sheepish, and peeved, when said tape shows him being made an unwilling swing-dance partner of Shawne Merriman.

Good, I say! Brood on it! Be angry and unsatisfied!!!!

Personally, I'll be surprised if the Colts' starters (the healthy ones) don't all play into the third quarter next week, and a half of the season ender. I think Dungy would have done this regardless; you need to use some caution, but with a bye week in the wings, you don't want too much downtime, either. Some playing time to stay sharp, some rest to reduce the risk of injury and stay as healthy as you can.

You know, I never log in to ColtPower during the games; I'm too busy enjoying them on the tube to type any boobery. Plus I find the posts during the games to be a tad too bizarre (and cynical), win or lose, so I choose to read up later.

After the loss, I found, once again, some absolute hilarity being offered up. Of course everyone gets peeved during a game when things don't go your way, but honestly, some people are in serious need of medication (fancy that – wacky people at an internet site! Of course, this is why I can be found at CP, as well).

One of my faves involved a thread on how the Colts were now doomed because their offensive line was exposed by the Chargers, and, now that the truth was out, how every other team would copy their gameplan, and take them to the cleaners.

I pondered this thought….. in a snotty English accent, no less:

Hmmmnyessss…..the offensive line was EXPOSED by those confounded Chargers! You see, chums, our opponents simply ASSUMED prior to this match that our offensive line was IMPREGNABLE, and thus decided not to even gameplan any sort of attempt at a blitz, or passrush. Why bother, eh, chaps?! Attempt to rush the Indy passer? Are you daft? That's suicide!!

Well, look out now kids – the jig's up! From now on, thanks to Sturmbannfuhrer Schottenheimer, the Colts' offensive line, aka "The Maginot Line," is going to be blitzkrieged ‘til the fat fraulein sings!!!! 


What nonsense.

Many teams have tried to blitz the Colts. Remember 49 touchdown passes last year?

The Chargers, unlike most teams, have what I would describe as….awesome personnel upfront. This TENDS to have some impact on the effectiveness of these tactics. And no other team the Colts will face has Shawne Merriman in their lineup (although I have no doubt that renowned defensive guru and mad scientist Bill Belichick is now secretly acquiring Merriman's DNA in order to clone him for the postseason!). The Colts also lost a starting tackle at the game's outset to boot. So don't reach for the panic button just yet. The Chargers are one of the elite teams in the NFL, they were facing sudden death; the Colts had just wrapped up EVERYTHING they'd hoped for in the previous game. And they still could have had them at the end. It was that close.

This was the first game of the season where Indianapolis lost the physical battle, and their defense gave almost as good as they got.

Actually, I'm more confident now than I was before the game if the Colts had to face the Chargers in the playoffs. The Colts handled LT, the run (minus the one crazy-long one that left me feeling as if I'd been swiftly kicked in the nether regions!), and Antonio "Enemy At The" Gates. The Colts offense had an emotional letdown with nothing on the line - even Angry Marv didn't attempt to punch anyone's face in!

So let's unleash a collective primal scream and move on!

Let's look forward to venting on Seattle and their chubby-cheeked cherub of a coach – Mike "The Walrus" Holmgren (Dungy is "The EggMan! Koo-koo-ka-chew)!!

Let's gawk in terror at the dental nightmare that is Shaun Alexander!!

Let's scoff at their win-guaranteeing QB and his balding pate!! Use those NFL bucks and get some plugs, man! Or shave that dome! Only our beloved coach can pull off that look.

Because Friar Dungy is a holy man, and monk-like.

In Dungy I Trust.


I go now, to enjoy a hot cocoa as I gaze out onto the roof of SkyDome from my prestigious new swinging bachelor pad. It's fricking freezing here!!!!!!

Good day my friends.

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