Twas The Night Before Christmas: Cowboys/NFC East 2015 Version

What better way to celebrate the time of year than a Cowboys spin on an old classic! CowboysHQ wishes you and yours a Happy Holidays!

Follow along with the video!

Twas the night before Christmas in the NFC East house,

Not a single team was worth a damn, like the AFC South.

The division was sorry, inept if I dare,

Devoid of elite play since Romo wasn’t there.

 

The children who were forced to watch it with dread,

Stuck with visions of Cassel high and wide in their heads.

 Your grandma’s all sad, in her New Era cap,

Depressed JPP only mustered one 8-finger sack.

 

While out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

There sat Odell crying, we asked what’s the matter.

The Panthers were mean, they bullied my ass!

There’s a joke I’d insert here, but instead I’ll just pass.

 

Dallas passed on the chance to give Demarco his dough,

Several books could be written on what Chip doesn’t know.

Like hurried O makes defensive stamina disappear,

And Bradford couldn’t sleigh a thing with eight tiny reindeer.

 

Then little Dan Snyder, so trolly and sick,

Tried to trade for Kirk Cousins with future draft picks.

Already on his roster, Dan tried it the same,

While John Mara took cap space just for saying his name.

 

Now Roger Goodell, Blandino, Troy Vincent!

You’re Mara’s top minions, very loyal, efficient!

You do Mara’s bidding as soon as he calls!

Penalize and schedule quirk the division to fall!

 

I dry heave to think what the league wouldn’t try

To destroy, like any evidence Bill Belicheck spies.

So up to the housetop, we truthers we flew,

To look for St. Nick? No, to see the Christmas Poo.

 

For Darren McFadden we searched for the proof,

even he could ZBS the alley next to Mike Strahan’s tooth.

But that’s just a reach, it would never go down,

At least not til Joe Randle was run out of town.

 

The Cowboys O Line, so quick of the foot,

Changed to Power Man and still burned D-lines to soot.

The number of guys they’ve laid out on their backs,

Only matched by infrequence the Dallas D gets a sack.

 

Or forcing a fumble, interceptions come rarely,

Forcing Dez to scream “bump Rich, Fix this shit Jerry!”

Jerry and Stephen, Will McClay have to know,

The trade-up waters are murky, do not look, do not go.

 

Stand strong in the draft, you will find your relief,

Future quarterback heir, and a replacement for Heath.

Another for Wilcox, and Church yes we’re ready

The Nation will ticker tape and throw the confetti.

 

While at it please find us a runner with stealth,

Who can run ZBS without tripping over himself!

One that follows the track, makes the read with his head,

Then turns it upfield without breaking his leg!

 

Jerry spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

Of building his draft boards, then turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

Said “we think Paxton and Carson will make excellent pros”

 

Jerry sprang to his feet, planned to soar like a missle,

But the move was too early, just like referee whistles.

Nothing left to proclaim as the Party bus drove out of sight,

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But Merry Christmas, Cowboys Nation, and to all a good night!


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