Flozell: How's the Knee?

While not Jack Handy and his deepest of thoughts, here's some scatter shooting around the Cowboys' compound.

Bill Parcells is not endearing. By choice. While it's hoped his mercenary / hired gun stay nets a championship, he doesn't belong. Parcells is geographically out of his element. Remember the Bud Lite-drinking Giants fan embarking on the Southern honky tonk? Complete with gold bling, slicked-back hair and the patented 1990's zuba pants.

"Howzz Youzz Doing?" The faces on the crowd at the makeshift Gilley's or Billy Bob's told you all you needed to know. Fish out of water. Tuna out of can. Same thing. At least Dave Campo threw the occasional "Hard Knocks" backyard margarita party and Switzer brought the entertainment, whether it was packing heat in airports or consuming hot dogs at the Pro Bowl. Yes, while coaching. Oh, that Gunsmoke. Never a dull moment. But now? Not a sniff of charisma or community involvement. Bill, just win it and swim back to New Jorrrrrsey.

Chevy Chase or Drew Henson? The European Vacation will be the greater benefit to whom? Never before has there been an urge or desire to actually turn on a Rhein Fire game. There's just something about this mystery cloud which seems to hover over Henson's head, and the funny thing about this lad, we know nothing about him that we didn't know the day he was acquired for a third round pick. Hopefully the pond-crossing excursion will serve him well. If Henson doesn't win, place or show, Jerry might find Fire teammate and former Hawaiian sensation, Timmy Chang (property of the Eagles) a bit more appealing. Many locals have said Henson is under no pressure to perform over yonder. Guess again. Tick..tick..tick goes the Parcells' patience clock.

Flozell, how's the knee? Inclusive of Cheech Martin and Tommy Chong, he brings new meaning to "passing the joint." Never before has a hinge carried more weight. Rehabs are rehabs, and commonplace, in today's NFL, but not this one. This hopeful rebound has the 2006 season hanging in the balance. Desperate times bring about desperate measures, and yes, he must not only return, but he must come with elements Parcells has been seeking for several years. Heart, desire, domination and Pro Bowl caliber play. His ability to anchor the left side and protect Bledsoe's blind side is paramount for any 2006 glory. Big fella, you're needed beyond comprehension.

Is anyone else waiting for Jerry to once-again rock the NFL world? Isn't he due? Things have been most quiet and pretty matter-of-fact of late. He's still spending, which is always a good thing, but no big splashes. No give'em something to talk about headlines. No Charles Haley. No Deion Sanders. Parcells, by most accounts, was big and brash, but results have squelched that NFL detonation. A mere "poof" in the desired world of "ka-boom." The Cowboys Nation needs "ka-boom." No, not T.O.-like ka-boom, but something to awaken the Richter scale. Has Jerry gone mellow yellow or are there more tricks in the bag? Coming off the XL yawner, it's high time for the Cowboys to crank up national hatred campaign once again. In NFL circles, it's a good thing to be despised. The spite has been severely drowned out by laughter that arrived with the Switzer campaign.

Looking for a little kick-start? How about finding a bone fide NFL place kicker? It's as good as any place to start, and if it isn't priority #2, closely trailing the offensive line, time to re-think it. In 2005, the top 25 scorers in the League ranged from Shaun Alexander's 168 to Joe Nedney's 97. The average scoring of this group equals 116.8. Of the 25 players ranked, 22 are kickers. Yup, 22. Throw in Alexander, Larry Johnson and LT, and there's your top 25. No Jose Cortez. No Billy Cundiff. No Shaun Suisham. No kidding!! Is there any relevance here? The Cowboys were 15th overall in scoring average with a 20.3 points/game mark while Seattle topped the League with a 28.2 average. The Cowboys scored 323 total points in 2005. Had the Cowboys had a resident in the top 25 scorers, he would have accounted for over a third of total team point production.

How important is this to the organization? The Cowboys ranked 28th overall in kicking as it relates to scoring. The 20 made field goals a mere three better than the League's worst of 17. P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C. Can you say free agency fix? This is one area needing a swift kick in the proverbial backside.

One of the most intriguing 2005 stories was the initial bonding of the 2005 rookie class at the annual Rookie Symposium. Reports had them congregating daily for running and non-organized workouts. The future of tomorrow. With a year of hard knocks and experience behind them, here's to hoping maturity reigns supreme. These are the future leaders of this prized franchise. Fans can only hope the congregation continues within the corridors, locker room and weight room of Valley Ranch. Bonds build championships. Hopefully Demarcus Ware and Marcus Spears will continue roll call, and not only will the 2005 class be front and center, but they will soon be joined by the pups in the 2006 litter. Once again Jeff Ireland and crew will be looking for a stable of bloodlines and pedigree.

That wraps up the pondering for the week. Gotta run as LeCharles Bentley is calling from Hawaii. Something about wanting to bring his big, bad, ornery self to the Cowboys front wall. Maybe potential line mate Larry Allen has sold him on Big D where hombres roam and squash worm-dancing folks from Joy-see . A cantankerous anchor on any given day might be unwelcome, but in days ahead, it might be the most solidifying of gifts. Anchors away.

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