Where is T.O.?

IRVING, TX -- Where is Terrell Owens and is he already in Valley Ranch working out with the team? Plus, the latest from Michael Irvin, Kevin Smith and much more in another edition of assorted musings from atop the Fish barstool.

Assorted musings from atop the Fish barstool:

* Cowboys fans will be happy to know that there is still a connection among the fellas. Ex-Dallas cornerback Kevin "Pup'' Smith tells The Ranch Report of the fun reunions the "Team of the 90's'' experience on a surprisingly regular basis.

The highly lucrative excuse? Autograph shows.

"This weekend it's Chicago,'' Smith said before leaving Dallas for the weekend. "I know there will be at least 20 of us there. (Tony) Tolbert, Russell Maryland, Michael (Irvin), (Charles) Haley. ... I just talked to Deion (Sanders). He'll be there. It's a great way for us all to stay in touch.''

It's also a great way to rake in the dough. The guys we talked to were rather vague, understandably, but it sounds like a six-figure side job for a popular guy who doesn't mind giving up his weekends and has a quick Sharpie. And is it ever a party of the magnitude of what the notoriously good-times Super Bowl Cowboys threw?

"We usually don't do to much of that,'' Pup reports. "Maybe pop into the hotel bar and hang around. And then, at our age, we usually need to get back up to the room at get some sleep.''

* The media hung out at Valley Ranch all week, some of the guys staking out the place starting at 6 a.m., all in search of a Terrell Owens sighting

We could have saved them the trouble.

From what we understand, T.O. was excused from the strength-and-conditioning work because of a commitment to appear at some sort of deposition in L.A.

No, he's not in any sort of trouble with the law. Nor is he in any sort of trouble with the Cowboys. But we're still betting Bill Parcells was grumbling about it, just a little bit.

* SI's Peter King writes of new Dallas kicker Mike Vanderjagt: "The next big kick he makes will be his first.''

Wow. I was going to launch into a long defense of Vanderjagt's terrific career with the Colts. Then I read the rest of Peter's column, in which he details his toilet habits leading up to a colonoscopy. So I'm going to excuse ex old friend Peter here, understanding now that he's got something up his arse besides his head. (Just kidding, Peter. But really, dude. ...)

* Michael Irvin calls The Ranch Report from the airport. He's heading to New York for a national TV appearance.

Well, Michael, of course you are. ESPN? ABC? Fox?

"No, I'm going to be on with Donnie Deutsch,'' Irvin says. Deutsch is the host of "The Big Idea,'' on CNBC.

Michael Irvin? On CNBC? Whoda thunk it?

* Drew Bledsoe. Terence Newman. Tony Romo. Marco Rivera.

The Ranch Report visited with each of them a couple of days ago, and gave them on-the-record, not-for-attribution and off-the-record leeway to bitch and moan about the acquisition of T.O.

And we didn't get a one. Not one bitch. Not one moan.

Romo was pretty eloquent regarding the reason for the comfort level: "Coach Parcells will handle things,'' Romo said.

Actually, the guys were more interested in registering a media goodbye to "fun teammate'' Larry Allen than in any other subject.

* We're not sure what's more laughable, the suggestion that Bill Clinton could be the next NFL commissioner, or the suggestion that Jimmy Johnson should be the successor to Paul Tagliabue. With Clinton, he'd quit as soon as he realized his jurisdiction ranged far from supervising the cheerleaders; with the immensely underqualified Jimmy, he'd quit as soon as he realized he couldn't do the job via satellite from his backyard.

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