Items from a Super Weekend

Am I the only one who thinks it's stupid to base Jerry Jones' head-coach selection on the outcome of the Super Bowl?

Emptying my notebook from a Super weekend: ITEM: Colts 29, Bears 17 -- a Super Bowl so entertaining that even Terrell Owens couldn't sleep through it.

ITEM: Sidebar to Michael Irvin's weekend presence in Miami as a Hall-of-Famer: The weekend presence of Norv Turner at Irvin's announcement press conference. Norv -- who is actually employed by the San Francisco 49ers -- certainly conducted himself as if he's a member of the Cowboys family. So if you wanna bet with your friends on who will be the Cowboys' next head coach, there's your inside info.

"I have a leaning,'' Jones said. "But I'm going to be open-minded.''

Yeah, he had a leaning -- toward a guy sitting just a few folding chairs away.

ITEM: Why does it take until AFTER Devin Hester returns the opening kickoff for a TD for Indy to realize it shouldn't kick him the ball? Hadn't the Colts heard of him before?

ITEM: Those TV ads were pretty good. Think Rex Grossman will take advantage of the service?

ITEM: Despite wearing a diaper on the wrong end of his body, Prince was terrific on Sunday, marking the first time anybody from Minnesota ever succeeded at a Super Bowl.

ITEM: The NAACP should be very proud of its two star Super Bowl participants. I'm talking, of course, about Jim Nantz and Phil Simms, who represented so well the National Association for the Advancement of Colorless Personalities.

ITEM: I'm not saying David Stern's crackdown on misbehavior is too far-reaching, but I hear even the NBA is now investigating the Cincinnati Bengals.

ITEM: Super Bowl network CBS clearly has a limited budget. Why else would they spend big money to make up, dress and even airbrush Katie Couric, and then they won't spend two bucks to trim Andy Rooney's eyebrows?

ITEM: Am I the only one who thinks it's stupid to base Jerry Jones' head-coach selection on the outcome of the Super Bowl? Jim Caldwell's team wins, so he's a better candidate? Ron Rivera's team loses, so he's no longer qualified? Ridiculous. Truth is, no matter what, any chance to chase Lovie Smith is a chance worth taking -- and the Bears could've lost 100-0 and I'd still believe that.

ITEM: Sorry, Nationwide, but Kevin Federline (and his decline from Mr. Britney Spears to a fast-food employee) isn't even a funny punchline when he's being paid to be a funny punchline.

ITEM: Miami utilized Dan Marino as a sort of Chamber of Commerce'y host for the game, which seemed sort of tired. (Unless you enjoyed CBS' feature on him practicing the coinflip.) Of course, what other option did Miami have, what with Nick Saban having moved on to Coon-Ass Country.

ITEM: I know, I know. Ex-Dolphins coach Saban is at Alabama making funs of Cajuns with his "off-the-record'' coon-ass comment. But Saban is originally from West Virginia, and since when do West Virginians get to look down at people from Louisiana?

ITEM: Do the Colts really think they won because God was on their side? What, God hates Chicago?

ITEM: Quote from Kentucky native Phil Simms: "When the pressure is coming at you, you can't get cabin fever.'' What kind of crazy coon-ass analysis is that?

ITEM: I love how bashes the heck out of Michael Irvin for being "a bad role model for young people'' -- and then elsewhere on the page writes the word "turd'' every other sentence. Dear If I'm letting Michael Irvin's behavior greatly influence my sons, I'm a crummy dad. And if I'm letting them talk the way your website talks, I'm even crummier.

ITEM: Hey, Brett Favre is coming back! The announcement affected the sports world the same way Ralph Nader's campaigns affect the Presidential race.

ITEM: With less than 12 minutes left in the game and Indy trying to protect a five-point lead, some Colt named Kelvin Hayden recorded his first career interception. He snared a Rex Grossman throw-up and returned it 64 yards for a TD and a 29-17 lead that would stand up. There will be endless of hours of analysis of the backbreaking play, but the best analysis of Grossman's work came from Simms, and only took a split-second: As soon as Hayden got two hands on the ball, Simms -- almost inaudibly -- groaned, "Ugggh.''

ITEM: A pro football website released a story suggesting that Terry Bradshaw is dead. Wrong -- but sources say it did take a team of expert marksmen 20 years to finally assassinate his old toupee.

ITEM: Call it preparedness or narcissism, but. ... just in case he made it to the Saturday HOF podium, Michael Irvin had a toothbrush with him.

ITEM: Lovie? It's odd to see Super Bowl personalities share the name of "Gilligan's Island'' characters. But continuing with the theme, I took the Colts -7 and predicted Tony Dungy would play "The Professor'' and Rex Grossman would play Gilligan. Indy wins big, and now I'm sittin' pretty as Ginger and Mary Ann put together.

ITEM: Some fans want the day after the Super Bowl to be declared "National Hangover Day.'' Here at TheRanchReport, we already have a "National Hangover Day'': It's called "Saturday and Sunday Morning.''

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