Assorted Bar Stool Musings

IRVING, Tex. -- Assorted musings from atop my regular barstool near Valley Ranch. ... "You ever read about the frog who dreamed of being king and became one?" says Wade Phillips. "Well, I was a high school coach in Texas, and now I'm head coach of the Dallas Cowboys, so my story is the same way." Ah, humility. How refreshing.

Don't think new Cowboys coach doesn't have a bit of ego; he refers to his defense as "The Phillips 3-4'' as if it's "Darwin's Theory of Evolution.'' But really, isn't it nice to have as the boss somebody who at least understands the concept of being self-effacing?

As soon as the "regal'' Bill Parcells refers to himself as a "frog,'' you let me know, will ya?

ITEM: Think Jason Garrett is the guaranteed "Head Coach-in-Waiting''? If you do -- and if the Cowboys do -- there is a real misunderstanding of the way the football world works.

Relationships splinter. Teams lose. Families need attention. Any number of things can change a circumstance. Let's not worry about who will be the Cowboys' coach in 2011, okay? It'll work itself out.

ITEM: I order anyone who still believes that Jerry Jones' ego drives this whole thing, or that Jerry "wants to be the coach,'' or any of that other trite hooey, to be the one holding the Kleenex box at Jones' next press conference. The beauty of Jerry Jones is that as much as you, the fan, cares about this team. ... he's got you beat.

ITEM: I was amused and pleased at Phillips' mild dig at Parcells' mishandling of Terrell Owens. When Wade joked that he'll actually call "the player'' by his name, it really served as an indictment of Parcells' bullying style. Guided by Michael Irvin, I wrote this when T.O. first came here: Owens does not trust traditional authority figures, and thrives when he believes he is part of the hierarchy instead of under the hierarchy. Parcells wouldn't stoop to Owens' level, wouldn't bow to his psychological needs. Phillips -- with his "We Are Family'' mindset -- is clearly prepared to try a gentler approach.

And that couldn't hurt, right?

ITEM: What a riot it is watching the DFW media members who fawned over Norv Turner last week now fawning over Wade Phillips. People last week who said Norv is "the only man for the job'' now saying, "I've always loved Wade.'' Sickening.

ITEM: I'm thinking that while it seems Jason Garrett is way out there on a limb as a guy running an offense for the first time, he might be in decent shape as long as Tony Sparano is out there with him. We've never been allowed to know much about Sparano or other Parcells underlings, but Jones is going way out of his way to praise Sparano as a keeper.

ITEM: Proof that some morons hate Jerry Jones just for the fun of it: Criticizing him for not hiring a minority. When Jones interviewed Cowboys assistant Todd Bowles, critics said it was a "token'' move. Then he interviewed Mike Singletary, and critics said it was a "token'' move. Then he interviewed Ron Rivera and Jim Caldwell, and now they're saying he should've hired a black guy.

Turn it around, critics. Go up to Bowles, Singletary, Rivera and Caldwell and inform THEM that they're tokens. To their faces.

ITEM: I also don't get the demand to hire "sexy.'' I mean, it'd be fun to hire, say, Mike Ditka. Fun and crazy and exciting and sexy. Media and fans always get lost on this one, whether it's coaching hires, goalline plays or first-round picks. Everybody wants a sexy coach, something other than a fullback plunge, and skill players.

Why don't media and fans every DEMAND that a team acquire a right guard? Because everybody wants sexy.

Fine. You don't like Wade Phillips? Fire him immediately, and see if Carmen Electra is available.

ITEM: I love how everyone in the media is claiming to have had the Wade Phillips story first. (ESPN didn't, I don't believe, but they'll scream the loudest in order to be remembered as the first.) I know this for sure: All the same outlets also broke the "Norv Will Be The Coach'' story first. And look where that got 'em.

ITEM: I'll make this short and sweet, while making it clear how biased I am personally toward Michael Irvin: Anybody who really believes Art Monk was a better receiver than Irvin simply didn't watch enough of their games. Monk played longer -- in fact, longevity is his greatest resume item -- and stretched out a record-setting career in part because the Redskins often made sure he got one (meaningless) reception early in games in order to extend his consecutive-catch streak. Monk was often the second-best receiver on his team (and you don't think Gary Clark is HOF-bound, do you?) and deserves credit for being a classy chap. Irvin was the second-best receiver OF THE DECADE. He was not a one-catch-and-extend-a-streak kind of guy. He was impactful. Every game. Every series. Hell, every PRACTICE.

If I was a voter, I'd be far more lenient than the 40 present voters are. I would worry not one bit about this "first-ballot'' crap. If you were great -- according to the Eye Test more than stats -- you go in.

Art Monk in the Hall of Fame? Fine.

Art Monk a better, more dangerous, more impactful, more important, more legendary, more deserving receiver than Michael Irvin? Ridiculous.

ITEM: Quote from Jerry Jones about the coaching change's effect on Valley Ranch: "There won't be as much walking on eggshells.'' Doesn't that say it all?

CowboysHQ Top Stories