ESPN.com recently produced a feature under the title "The Football Scientist'' that attempted to make the argument that "Glenn Is (A) Bigger Threat'' than T.O. The article said something about "metrics'' and something about "Bomb Pass YPA'' and, well, by the time I was done being befuddled by it, I was thinking about calling Stephen Hawking and asking him to translate the damn thing for me.
"Metrics''? "Bomb Pass YPA''? What?
But instead of calling the reknown physicist for insights into a Terrell Owens vs. Terrell Glenn debate, I did my research by taking three diverse steps:
Step 1: Check out the gossip rag the New York Post for the latest on T.O.
Step 2: Track down Glenn enjoying a quiet lunch just up the street from the Cowboys' Valley Ranch headquarters.
Step 3: Call Michael Irvin, our always-enlightening go-to-guy. … and a football version of Mr. Hawking.
The Post's Page Six – usual nesting place of Donald Trump divorce announcements and dueling crotch shots from Paris, Britney and Lindsay – recently featured a gigantic mugshot of T.O. It seems the controversial Cowboy attended an early-July wedding in Cabo San Lucas. Aw, that's nice!
Except the Post didn't think so. They called Terrell "swollen-headed'' and said he "isn't much of a team player off the field, either.'' Why? Because the wedding called for an all-white dress code. And T.O. showed up in black attire.
"He managed to draw futher attention to himself by arriving late to the ceremony,'' a "source'' told the Post.
(Showing up late to a wedding is a bad thing? Heck, having attempted marriage multiple times, I can think of a couple of weddings I wish I'D shown up late to. Really, really late.)
The Post goes on to note that T.O. tried to swim in the Marquis Los Cabos hotel pool, complained that it wasn't heated, and was then "taunted'' by "on-lookers'' offering "stadium-style chants.''
Glenn's Monday was much quieter. A workout at Valley Ranch. And then lunch at Chaamps, the popular sports hangout in Las Colinas. Glenn was accompanied by two kids, presumably his pride and joy, Terry Jr. and Natalie. They weren't exactly incognito; Natalie wore a white No. 83 Cowboys jersey, and the family pulled up to the restaurant in Terry's silver Bentley. But at least Terry didn't violate any sports-bar dress code: He wore workout clothes, gym shorts and a sleeveless undershirt (nice guns, Terry!), along with oversized sunglasses and a cell phone stuck to his ear.
Terrell Owens vs. Terry Glenn? Their styles are diverse; while both are capable of 85-plus catches, the speedster Glenn has made the deep threat a specialty and Owens has made touchdowns his specialty.
"I think people get way too caught up in numbers,'' Irvin tells us. "You watch TV and there's some stat geek comparing a running back's 3.6 yards per carry to another running back's 3.7 yards per carry. Why does that matter? Can't you just tell who is a better football player?''
Irvin is a fan of both Dallas receivers, and thinks that working in tandem, alongside tight end Jason Witten and in front of Tony Romo, the Cowboys passing game has a chance to be what he calls "electric.''
But yeah, he's a T.O. guy. … if he has to make the choice.
There is beauty, though, in life as a Cowboys fan. On a certain day, one is handing his kid a coloring book at lunch, while the other is doing the backstroke in Cabo. So they are different. So what?
Terrell Owens vs. Terry Glenn? There is no "Terrell Owens vs. Terry Glenn.'' The beauty is, you don't have to make a choice.
Glenn vs. T.O.? A Day in Their Lives
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