ITEM: Depending on the media outlet. … Terry Glenn is out for a week. Or two weeks. Or the year. Or for his career. Or he's being buried alongside Pavarotti. I'm tellin' ya, kids – and I say this with all the humility I can muster -- Cowboys newspaper beat-writing ain't what it used to be.
ITEM: I know it's my own fault. Scoop Jackson keeps writing, I keep trying to ignore Scoop Jackson's writing. … and then dammit, he sucks me back in with his unique combination of absurdity and incompetence.
Scoop's latest ESPN.com effort (and yes, he gets paid for this): 25 Reasons Tennis Is Better Than College Football. It's like a journalistic train wreck. You will not be able to look away.
I'm a pro football guy, not a college football guy. So I'm not stumping for the NCAA here. And tennis? Yeah, I guess it's fine, too. It's not the anti-football theme of the headline that is so bothersome; it's the insipid writing underneath the headline that's so insulting.
ITEM: So "The Natural'' Rick Ankiel is a steroid guy, too? And so everybody is distressed about it? What's the hubbub, bub? Did somebody really think your average professional baseball player hasn't sampled it, dabbled in it or jumped head-first into a tank of it? It's time for me to tell this story again: I'm at a Christmas party a couple of years ago, and I meet a gang of guys, a half-dozen of them, who played Single A ball together. And 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, all six of ‘em confirmed that in their attempts to climb the baseball ladder that OF COURSE they did steroids!
So can we stop with the slack-jawed shock already?
The world of football has a steroids "issue,'' too. But NOT a steroids "problem,'' like baseball has. What's the difference? In football, it is simply understood and accepted as part of the underbelly of the sport. In baseball? Slack-jawed shock. Time after non-shocking time.
ITEM: The Colts are fun to watch, huh?
ITEM: Nobody at NBC Sports has any right to ever make fun of the fact that Travis Henry has nine babies by nine women. Because NBC Sports' Sunday Night Football announcing team also has nine babies by nine women. Go ahead, count ‘em up.
ITEM: A Cowboys assistant is suspended for steroid use. Hey, those whistles and clipboards can get heavy! Seriously, QB coach Wade Wilson is a straight-shootin' clean-cuttin' kinda guy. First report: He took stuff to combat diabetes, or something.
Biggest angle there: Any Dallas observer who thought Wade Wilson would be the first Cowboy suspended – way ahead of, say, Terrell Owens – just won himself the office pool.
But now comes an update: Wade took stuff to combat. … um. .. something. His media cooperation is appreciated. But this is what the kids call "TMI.''
ITEM: Michigan, ranked No. 5 as the college football season begins, loses to Appy State. Nice system, NCAA. The all-important college rankings are a joke before they even begin.
ITEM: Forget Vick on dogs, Whoopi on dogs and even T.O. on dogs. Forget for a moment "dog-fighting'' at all, and let's just talk pets: How many pit bulls have to chew on how many humans before the owners quit claiming to be ‘surprised'?
ITEM: If you just drafted Byron Leftwich in your Fantasy Football League. … hey, my league has an opening if you want in.
ITEM: Martin Gramatica injured a muscle? What muscle?
ITEM: You listen to Tiki Barber talk and talk and talk and you begin to realize why the Giants' "leadership'' might've been that team's biggest problem.
Fish's Weekend Warmup
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