In as much as the network decided to make Dallas' 10-6 loss a reality-TV sequel –
"Newlyweds: Tony and Jessica'' – complete with audio of her song, "B.O.Y.,'' we might as well follow suit and define this defeat with the accompaniment of the pop diva's resume:
"Where You Are,'' song, 1999 – You are suddenly where you didn't think you'd be after having beaten Green Bay two weeks ago: You are tied with the Packers in the NFC standings. Dallas obviously owns the tiebreaker. And both teams are 12-2. But, as Fox voice Troy Aikman put it, "You just put a lot of pressure on this Cowboys team.''
"My Way Home,'' song, 2003 – Nope.
No more "home.'' The Cowboys finish at Carolina and at Washington. They need to plan on two victories to ensure spending January at home for the playoffs. Just as bad, they blew a chance to secure a first-round bye. ... and did it by losing to a last-place team.
"Final Heartbreak,'' song, 1999 – Dallas was down 10-6 with 4:09 remaining, and facing a fourth-and-2 from their own 41. They roll the dice and go for it. … and get the first down, and maybe they're ready to roll. Then they get sacked on first down. And on second-and-18, Tony Romo makes a poor decision and a poor throw that is intercepted by Brian Dawkins.
A poor decision. A poor throw. No Romo Mojo. Your final heartbreak.
"I've Got My Eyes On You,'' song, 1999 – In this look-at-me business – and that goes for most of the fellas, fueled as they are by fame and success and money – it's rare to see a star make a tangible and impromptu sacrifice. So Brian Westbrook deserves a tip o' the cap.
Nearing the two-minute warning, he busted through the line for an apparent touchdown run, and then interestingly, volunteered himself down at the 1. To eat up time, he had unselfishly forfeited the easy TD and the two-score lead. A few kneel-downs later and Dallas was done.
How about that? A reason to put your eyes on an NFL player for all the right reasons? (Even if it was for the wrong team.)
"Employee Of The Month, movie, 2006 – Demarcus Ware is the Cowboys' "Employee of the Month.'' He was a beast. But "Employee of the Week'' nod goes to linemate Jay Ratliff, who celebrated his new contact with by proving he's not a contract whore. Some guys have their best games ever while trying to get the money. Ratliff was terrific even while saddled with his fat wallet.
What a waste of a fine defensive effort, though. Donovan McNabb was always on the run. Brian Westbrook, before his late breakaway, was caged. Philly was allowed just the one TD. A waste.
Good attitude quote, though, from D-Ware: "If we held them to 10, and that wasn't good enough,'' he said, "we shoulda held them to five.''
"Irresistible,'' song, album, 2001 – Can Roy Williams simply not help himself? He committed a horse-collar tackle on a scrambling McNabb when maybe a simple hug-around-the-waist tackle might've done. A fine? A suspension? Maybe. But for sure, an intervention from friends to escort Roy to a H.C.A. meeting. That's "Horse-Collar Anonymous.''
"A Public Affair,'' song, album, 2006 - The Cowboys tried to go deep to Terrell Owens, but he and Romo were never on the same page. The former Eagle, who burned Philly in the teams' last meeting with a record day, was completely ineffective here – again. It's cool that T.O. doesn't blow up anymore after losses in which he's an non-factor; here's hoping a defeat combined with invisibility does create a public affair, or embarrassing discord of any kind.
Immediately, T.O. is saying all the right things. "There is no doubt in this locker room,'' he said after the game. "We have all the confidence in the world in this team.''
"These Boots Are Made For Walking,'' song, 2006 – Um, nice coupla boots, Nick Folk?!
"Let Him Fly,'' song, 2006 – The most athletic play contributed by the Eagles' mediocre receivers came on an incompletion, when Reggie Brown could only slow himself with an amazing vault into the huge red Salvation Army pot that has taken up residence on the Texas Stadium sideline.
"Underneath,'' song, 2003 – The solution to the inability to get the ball to Owens? Jason Witten again, of course, who is now a 1,000-yard tight end. Witten moved the chains with eight catches and 113 yards. But the whole point of a bend-but-don't-break defense is that eventually, the offense will goof. The Philly Philosophy wins because Dallas goofed plenty, starting with Romo's three interceptions.
Oh, by the way: If all you ever do is throw "underneath,'' how does your superstar quarterback end up with an all-time personal worst QB rating of 22.2?
"Imagination,'' song, 2001 – Young offensive coordinator will have better days. This was so bad that Fox viewers experienced a first: Garrett buddy Aikman did not once tout Jason for his brilliance or his qualifications as a head coach.
They can't get it downfield and they won't run. (Just 12 rushing attempts?) At the risk of oversimplification here, if essentially the only time you ever complete a pass is when you throw it four yards to a tight end, you be need an upgrade in the "imagination'' department.
Again, though – and this was a recurring theme in the locker room – Garrett also reflected on the failure by looking in the mirror.
"We win as a group and we lose as a group,'' RedBall said. "(The blame) starts with the coaches and filters down from there.''
The Dukes of Hazzard,'' movie, 2005 – Actually, here in the big city we spell it "hazard,'' as in, "Football is hazardous to your health.'' The Cowboys have experienced great fortune in this department all year, but not on Sunday. Romo was playing with a thumb injury that probably contributed to his junky numbers. (After the game, he seemed unworried, but if I'm a doctor, there is an MRI machine with his name on it.) Defensive end Chris Canty left the game with a knee injury. Tight end Anthony Fasano sustained a concussion. Andre Gurode hurt a knee that seems to be a concern. Witten's neck is bothering him.
How uncannily crummy was the injury situation? Safety Pat Watkins hurt his ankle in the fourth quarter while covering a punt, going down while changing direction, all without ever being touched.
"His Eye Is On The Sparrow,'' song, 2001 – Is a "Sparrow'' anything like an "Eagle''? Listen, this may not be completely fair. It might not even be completely rational. But Tony's TMZ.com lifestyle means he's asking for it, so here goes: A year ago, in an upset loss that occurred in December against this same Philadelphia team, the distraction in attendance was a sexy blonde singing pop diva named Carrie Underwood who attended the contest to support her man. Now we get a different babe singing the same song, second verse. Was His Eye On The Sparrow. … er, Eagle? Or was his eye on The Girl In The Pink No. 9?
Was His Eye On The Sparrow?
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