Grades! Come Get Your Grades!

Grades. Everybody gives ‘em. This time around, I'm in charge. … and everybody gets ‘em.

CHRIS BERMAN: D He's the best carnival barker in the business. But hasn't the carnival left town?

FELIX JONES: B He was Arkansas' second-best running back available, he was the Dallas board's second-best running back available, and he'll be the Cowboys' second-best running back available. He's got superior speed, superior balance, superior hands. … and, I assume, an Inferiority Complex.

TREY WINGO: F- For repeatedly making fun of Mel Kiper Jr.'s hair. Bro, does Bristol, Conn., not have a mirror? Trey's a fine anchor. But his hair is gray so he's painted it yellow. And it's thin so he's floofed it into an accidental Mohawk.

TONY ROMO: F Rookie tight end Martellus Bennett – who is a bit of a character – told the media that he's excited to play with the star QB because "anybody who can get Jessica Simpson, I've got to play with him.''

Reports are that the Cowboys were not amused. But in fact, it is Romo who was not amused. To quote "Stripes'': "Lighten up, Francis.''

STEVE YOUNG: A+ For saying that Rex Grossman "is a late bloomer. … a real late bloomer.''

ROGER CLEMENS: A- For having the media savvy to have news of his alleged affair with a 15-year-old country singer come out the weekend of the draft, so as to lessen coverage.

JOSH HOWARD: C For trying the same trick regarding his drug use. … but then blowing it by voluntarily calling a radio show to discuss it.

JERRY JONES: D Oh, his draft was OK. But his draft analysis is lacking depth – unless you think Jerry terming every single thing a "wow'' is informative.

MEL KIPER JR.: A+ Seriously, would you watch ESPN's coverage as intently if he weren't on it. He's not always right – but he ALWAYS knows more than the other 15 guys on the panel put together.

MICHAEL SMITH: B He's a newspaper guy, a reporter, and that's good. He got information on the first four teams' picks in advance, and that's good. But. … does he has a lisp? A TV news personality with a lisp? Barbara Walters has company!

SKIP BAYLESS: A+ Because I never saw him. Was he even allowed to participate? Was he in the back with Salisbury, maybe doing the ESPN dishes or something?

NFL NETWORK: A Sorry, I didn't do much NFL Network. (I live in Dallas and get more than my fill of Deion Sanders). But I understand that unlike ESPN, they didn't make the mistake of cutting to commercial in the middle of picks. So, NFL Network. … maybe I'll watch you next year?

BRETT FAVRE: F The Packers could have drafted 1,000 quarterbacks and Brett would've still made sure he got noticed as a prospective un-retiree.

CRIS CARTER: D For arguing that he wasn't a wide receiver who lacked speed. Cris, you couldn't run fast on your feet. And by denying that, it's clear you cannot think fast on your feet, either.

TERRY GLENN: 50-50 That's the odds Jerry set for the veteran receiver being of help to the Cowboys this year. That's not good, you know.

MR. LONG: A+ And of course, I'm talking about Howie. What a stud! If they'd thrown a Scouting Combine right there on the stage in NY, I bet Howie could still assure him a berth in the first round.

MARCUS DIXON: B He's the most famous Cowboy rookie of all. Or don't you watch "Oprah'' and "Nightline''?

PACMAN JONES: A He's been a Cowboy for a day. Have you heard anything bad yet? TODD McSHAY: B If I were him, I'd re-name myself "Mel Kiper Junior Junior,'' and be done with it.

CHRIS MORTENSEN: D I've known Mort for 20 years, so it pains me to say this. … but he handled himself in front of the camera as if he was one of those Polygamist wives in Eldorado, Texas.

RON JAWORSKI: C I'm not saying the QB expert has put on weight, but is his nickname "Jaws''? Or "Jowls''?

EMMITT SMITH: Incomplete Have they slid him out of town on the Michael Irvin rail?

JOHN DALY: A It served as a draft-weekend distraction for me to swing across the street to the Byron Nelson golf tournament, famous for its big-boobed drunkenness. And by gosh, John Daly did not disappoint!

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