A Giant Christmas Carol

What do you buy for a team that has everything? I thought hard about just the right Christmas gifts for these Giants.

Maybe mirrors for the ones too busy pointing fingers to use them.

Maybe the just-released book, "Coaching for Dummies,'' for the Giants staff.

Then it hit me, the Giants don't need a thing from us idiots in the media. The Giants have everything they want and everything they need. Just ask them.

So I dug into the deep recesses of my heart and wrote them a song, with all the best holiday wishes gift-wrapped under their 25-foot trees.

* * *

"The 17 Games of the Season''

On the first game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
One Manning making it look easy.

On the second game of the season, the Giants gave to me, Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the third game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
Three words from Shockey ("We got outcoached!''),
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the fourth game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.,
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the fifth game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.,
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the sixth game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
Six-squared points in Big D,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.,
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the seventh game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
Seven Plax grabs vs. Tampa,
Six-squared points in Big D,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.,
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the eighth game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
Eight injuries following Houston,
Seven Plax grabs vs. Tampa,
Six-squared points in Big D,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the ninth game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
Nine players watching Devin,
Eight injuries following Houston,
Seven Plax grabs vs. Tampa,
Six-squared points in Big D,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the 10th game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
Ten lousy carries by Tiki,
Nine players watching Devin,
Eight injuries following Houston,
Seven Plax grabs vs. Tampa,
Six-squared points in Big D,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the 11th game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
Eleven guys chasing Vinny,
Ten lousy carries by Tiki,
Nine players watching Devin,
Eight injuries following Houston,
Seven Plax grabs vs. Tampa,
Six-squared points in Big D,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the 12th game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
Twelve catches from Terrell and Terry,
Eleven guys chasing Vinny,
Ten lousy carries by Tiki,
Nine players watching Devin,
Eight injuries following Houston,
Seven Plax grabs vs. Tampa,
Six-squared points in Big D,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the 13th game of the season, the Giants gave to me, Thirteen points from Weinke,
Twelve catches from Terrell and Terry,
Eleven guys chasing Vinny,
Ten lousy carries by Tiki,
Nine players watching Devin,
Eight injuries following Houston,
Seven Plax grabs vs. Tampa,
Six-squared points in Big D,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the 14th game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
Another meeting against Philly,
Thirteen points from Weinke,
Twelve catches from Terrell and Terry,
Eleven guys chasing Vinny,
Ten lousy carries by Tiki,
Nine players watching Devin,
Eight injuries following Houston,
Seven Plax grabs vs. Tampa,
Six-squared points in Big D,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the 15th game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
A Brees blowing through the City,
Another meeting against Philly,
Thirteen points from Weinke,
Twelve catches from Terrell and Terry,
Eleven guys chasing Vinny,
Ten lousy carries by Tiki,
Nine players watching Devin,
Eight injuries following Houston,
Seven Plax grabs vs. Tampa,
Six-squared points in Big D,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the 16th game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
A playoff-clinching win in D.C.,
A Brees blowing through the City,
Another meeting against Philly,
Thirteen points from Weinke,
Twelve catches from Terrell and Terry,
Eleven guys chasing Vinny,
Ten lousy carries by Tiki,
Nine players watching Devin,
Eight injuries following Houston,
Seven Plax grabs vs. Tampa,
Six-squared points in Big D,
Five guys surrounding Mike V.,
Four Feely kicks vs. D.C.
Three words from Shockey,
Two different halves in Philly,
And one Manning making it look easy.

On the 17th game of the season, the Giants gave to me,
A blowout loss, they've set us free.

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