Altavilla's Giant Holiday Wish List

I realize the tradition around the holiday season calls for columnists to write hokey pieces offering gifts to athletes, coaches and administrators.

Hello, have you been paying attention to the economy?

If anyone is giving out presents this season, my subjects are giving them to me.

I drive a Honda. I wait for the "buy one, get two free" sales at the supermarket. I watch games on a couch on a simple television with domestic beverages and store brand cheese and chips at my side.

So if you don't mind, allow me to pass along my list of things I would like to receive from the Giants this holiday season.

They can afford it.

From Antonio Pierce, I would like perspective.

I would like to remind Pierce that a distraction, purely defined, is not caused by the question as much as the action. The reason they killed the messengers in ancient Rome and Greece is the recipient of the bad news often didn't want to admit to their complicity in creating it.

I'm so tired of hearing how Pierce and his teammates won't allow themselves to be disrupted by distractions created by the media surrounding the Plaxico Burress case.

Dude, we in the media didn't do anything. Stop making it sound like we did. If someone created a distraction for your teammates, it was you and Plax and whoever else was at The Latin Quarter blinging and blowing cash on whatever you guys blow it on.

Getting asked relevant questions about an important issue is not a distraction. Being in the middle of a big problem that causes your team to divert its focus is a distraction.

Are we clear now?

From Tom Coughlin, I would like his promise that he will put aside the temptation to fall back on coaching jargon when addressing future cases of player insubordination and misconduct. Your fans deserve more of an honest response from you.

I direct Coach Coughlin's attention to the comment made by Dallas Stars' head coach Dave Tippett – that's the NHL, by the way – following the league suspension of former Rangers forward Sean Avery for his insensitive comments about former girlfriend, Elisha Cuthbert.

Said Tippett: "From a coach's standpoint, I try to build a team that has an atmosphere where players care about each other and play with each other and play with continuity, and I find it hard to believe that Sean Avery could come back in that dressing room and we could find that continuity again. It's frustrating for me to go out and defend the guy."

God bless Dave Tippett. That's what we want to hear as fans.

From Justin Tuck, I would like to ask that he considers staying with the Giants for the remainder of his career.

I don't think I need to say anything more about that. Some things are pretty self-explanatory.

From Michael Strahan, I would appreciate it if he took a job with ESPNU since I don't get it on my cable system. I'd like to start watching FOX again. I think Frank Caliendo is funny.

From Kevin Gilbride, I would like his assurance he will not, under any circumstances, pursue the UConn football job should it become available in the next year or two.

Kevin, listen, I understand you may have turned down the chance to interview at Syracuse because the timing wasn't right. I commend your professionalism. But the Huskies are playing freaking Buffalo in the International Bowl on Jan. 3 – in Toronto. Oh joy of joys!

There must be something better out there for someone as talented and experienced as you?

From Jerry Reese, I would like a few more middle-round gems over the next 10 to 15 years that will ensure the Giants remain competitive well into the future. The guy has an eye.

From Kevin Boss, I would enjoy knowing he plans to remain as sincerely committed to hard work and humility as he appears. Finally, Mike Pope has a tight end willing to listen to all the sage things he has to say about life and work.

From the Giants offensive line, I would like your assurance that you will not fall on each other's legs, thereby resulting in any friendly-fire accidents or injuries that may complicate the drive to the Super Bowl.

From John Mara and Steve Tisch, I would like to know that you plan on putting all the PSL money you will be generating to its best use by spending it wisely on worthy players, not just those who believe they are worth it.

Oh, and one more thing, guys: If you plan on retiring No. 92 someday, and I would assume you do, please consider extending the courtesy to No. 21 and No. 81 because each, in their own way, made the fans proud to root for Big Blue during their careers.

Finally, from the folks at AARP, I'd appreciate it if you could stop sending applications to John Carney and Jeff Feagles, at least until the season is over. All it does is create clutter in the locker room.

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