I am quite anti-social. But you get to be around family and friends. It's tough because the first time you see people you have to relive the, ‘How you feeling.' I've been asked that question so much over the last month that at this point I just say, ‘Fine'. No sense into getting into detail about it.
From what I remember, I woke up the day after, just kind of out of it a little, and I couldn't understand why my wife and sister were so calm talking to them (doctors) and I asked them if they talked to the doctors and they said yes. Then I asked them if they knew something that I didn't and they said yeah. I said, "So I'm done." And my wife said, ‘Yeah.' I said, ‘Sorry.'
I'm a huge boxing, ultimate-fighting fan and I've seen that look before and I remembered how I felt about people that had that look on their face. Seeing yourself do that and not realizing you did it is a weird thing; scary. We talked about it, me and my wife. To some extent I'm lucky that it happened that way. It could've been worse.
It's weird how things come back to you. One day I just remembered what happened during the play, and I remember seeing like a real white light. I don't know if it was on the field or just when my head hit the ground. I remember just kind of hearing voices and that kind of stuff and the next thing you know, I'm home. It's weird.
I love playing football like you wouldn't believe. I love Sundays. Sunday's at 1 p.m., Sunday's at 4 p.m., Monday night games. There was nothing like game day for me. I'm hoping to find something to replace that feeling and I don't think there ever will be. I always said I would pay so much for my friends and family to run out of the tunnel one day. Just to know what it's like to drive to a game with the music on, and you see everybody with your jersey on, the Jets' chant, and being the center of that, it's been the greatest 11 years of my life. Tremendous things have come out of it. I've had great family, friends and teammates to enjoy it with. It's a shame that it's over, but I'm trying to focus on how great it was and how much it meant to me instead of being selfish and being miserable that I can't play anymore.
I said something to my wife and friend Kevin, I've been working out, shooting hoops kind of stuff just to get out. Man, I feel so good, I feel so fresh. They're like, ‘We'll listen to you, but don't come to us with that nonsense.' I get it. I know I really can't play right now. I'm always going to want to play. I'm 32 (years old), I don't feel like I've played 11 years. My body feels fine. I've been lucky when it comes to injuries. Unfortunately, an injury ended my career, but I lasted out there for 11 years. I'm still walking, I can still throw a ball to my kids, run after them, I was fortunate. If given the chance, yeah, I would go back out there. I'm always going to think that. I'm always going to want that. Accepting it is the challenge. I'm part way there.