The Detroit Lions gave themselves the death penalty.
The Chicago Bears completed outplayed the Lions anyway, but Detroit turned it into a 34-7 rout with absolutely sloppy play.
Detroit doomed itself from the get-go, fumbling on the second play of its first two drives.
Then the team proceeded to commit 14 penalties for 104 yards, including one on Jamar Fletcher that brought back an interception return for a touchdown by Boss Bailey that could have put the Lions back in the game in the third quarter.
At one point, the Lions ineptitude prompted FOX's Sam Rosen to comment, "Can you hear the gun that shoots them in the foot? Bam!"
Evidently, the gun came with extra clips.
Or the gun was set on automatic fire.
Regardless, Rod Marinelli will not be a happy camper in practice this week as the Lions prepare to host Green Bay in a battle of 0-2 squads.
That could be one of the ugliest games in the NFL this season. Both teams have shown fits of outright junior-varsity status and then looked OK at times. But the JV act has prevailed in both cases more often than not.
And that many penalties will get you demoted to the freshman team pretty darn quick.
Holding on returns, illegal blocks by receivers, false starts, off-sides, the Lions used the full arsenal to keep the referees' arms in shape. The refs will need to watch out for tennis elbow if they get assigned to a few more Detroit games.
And 14 penalties is just the number of accepted ones. Fernando Bryant was flagged for holding on the TD pass to Desmond Clark that make it 24-0 early in the second quarter. Lovie Smith had to be considering declining penalties in the second half just to be humane.
Ironically, a commercial for DirecTV's NFL package came on after the Bears went up 24-0 in which an old man complains that in his day, "If your team was getting clobbered, you took it like a man."
The Lions took it, alright. Then they asked for another.
Detroit's offense did move the ball much better than a week ago -- and against a much better defense. But it still wasn't enough to get in the end zone more than once, even if it was only the second TD scored on the Bears at home in the last 26 quarters. The Lions had four drives over 20 yards, twice as many as they managed in the opener against Seattle.
The 10-play, 86-yard opening drive of the second half was impressive, and even overcame a holding call on the return that backed Detroit up to the 14. After that drive, an incredibly accurate Jon Kitna was 17-for-19 for 181 yards and ran for the Lions' only TD. He ended the game 23-for-30 for 230 yards.
The Detroit defense also took a major step backward from last week's staunch outing against Seattle.
The Lions forced a Bears punt on the opening drive, and then Brad Maynard didn't work again until 4:18 was left in the game. Chicago had only one three-and-out drive.
The Lions' new Cover 2 defense should be renamed just the 2 defense for the time being, because there wasn't much coverage on Sunday.
Rex Grossman torched the Lions D for 289 yards and a career-high four touchdowns. He had set a career high for TD passes by halftime.
Rex Grossman set a career high for TD passes by halftime.
Maybe by halftime next week, the Lions will have scored more than one TD.
Dare to dream.