Super Bowl Food For Super Sunday!

Packer Report Magazine's comedian columnist, Mike McDonald, has the menu for your Super Sunday smorgasbord.

Super Bowl Sunday is one of the great gastronomical chow days of the year for football fans, and the stakes only go up when the Packers are actually in the Super Bowl. Snow-covered fire pits explode into Polynesian luaus, while fat, man bellies stretch Nitschke throwback jerseys to the point of gaseous detonation. Women eat like they're going to the electric chair. Hell, I saw a buddy of mine in a Lofton jersey held together by nothing more than duct tape, gravy stains and prayer. He and his buds consumed so much beer that he transformed his bathroom into an extreme water park.

So, with a Packers Super Bowl chowfest in mind, I've come up with some designer NFL tailgating specialties you might want to feature at your party … or avoid.

Terrell Owens Jerky

This chew toy works your jaws as hard as TO works his, and is made from the dried meat of former teammates and coaches. Salted to taste with TO's own tears.

Jay Cutlets

Picked off the shelf of Chicago food stores, these costly cutlets may look great, but they quit tasting good before the second half and end up leaving a really bad taste in your mouth.

Michael Vick Hot Dogs and Hush Puppies

You won't see these dogs served at the New York Kennel Club luncheon, but frankly, these dogs won't bite back and are gentle on your buns.

Matty Ice Cream

Comes in one flavor. Vanilla.

Matt White Cassel Burgers

When you toss these little sliders down your throat, they complete any meal.

Brett Favre Baloney

What can ya say about boloney with no expiration date? Heck, this baloney could very well be brought out of the freezer and served again next year. These 4-inch sausages can be bought in stores, or put in your order by phone or text. Brett Favre Baloney. The choice of drama festivals throughout Minnesota and Mississippi.

The Roethlisberger

A gigantic sloppy oversized burger with a high fat content, covered in Hines (Ward) Ketchup, and will show up smothered in cheese.

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