The World According To 'R' - BLAKE OUTLOOK:

BLAKE OUTLOOK: <i>and assorted meanderings..</i> <br><br> To all Redman fans who see the recent signing of Jeff Blake as a harbinger that Brian Billick is not willing to hand over the QB reins to the 3rd year Louisville grad- calm down, maintain low tones, think cool, clear running streams in grassy meadows, pop a Paxil, chill etc.

Redman is still your starter. It's his job to lose and rest assured he won't lose it to Blake immediately after his 1st interception or first stalled drive, either.(I have "3rd INT" in the Redman deathpool at the office...hee.)

He'll be given plenty of chances to grow and make mistakes, but excuse me for breathing a sigh of relief that the Blake signing portends Redman won't necessarily be given the entire 2002 season to piss away should things start out abysmally for the youngster. That's a good thing anyway you slice it, and even Redman readily acknowleges this. He is well aware being drafted in the 3rd round is not a birthright
to inherit the starter's job regardless of performance, as it usually is for 1st round picks at the position. He'll have to produce to stave off Blake and anyone who thinks that's a bad thing need only glance at the Cleveland Clowns laboring for the last 3 yearsunder a young QB who had no real challengers to his position. Forget thatnoise. Fire works.

This is the new NFL. Turnarounds can happen in a hurry and teams aren't willing to donate entire seasons to struggling newbies as they were in the past. And any team that doesn't have solid depth at the QB position in this day and age is just plain pissing in Murphy's Cheerios, so to speak (again, see clowns; cleveland )

Blake is Tony Banks + scrambling ability - teeny tiny fumbling babyhands. He's a good get at a very reasonable and cap-friendly price for this team and QB insurance doesn't get much better. Compare Blake is other the leading brands of NFL clipboarders and you'll agree his signing was a homerun for RavensOrg.

Feel better, panicy "Redheads?"
You're welcome, don't mention it.


I feel a song coming on...
"Dont do the criiime if you caaaan't do the time, no nooo...DON'T DOOIT!"

You think Beretta's not gonna hear that song sung ad nauseum by assorted jailhouse wiseasses whenever he's in earshot? Nubian, please..


Scribes are raking Mike Brown over the coals for drafting Levi Jones, a projected low first-rounder, at the10-spot and not trading down for him, but I'm going to try something revolutionary here and attempt for the first and last time in this millenium to actually defend 'Natti's Capt Queeg, since nobody else is apparently stupid enough to undertake this mission. Wish me luck! Here goes:

To trade out of the top 10 requires another team willing to cough up the prerequisite 1st rounder + another high round (2nd or 3rd round) pick. Fact is this draft was considered relatively weak after the first 6-7 picks by most draft brainiacs, so the odds are Mikey's helmet phone probably wasn't ringing off the hook with potential suitors looking to leap into the high-finance district a top 10 pick would command contractually- PLUS lose that extra high round pick. Considering the dearth of "impact" 1st rounders in this draft Jones looks just as solid as pretty much everybody else drafted after him and better than most in round one, so
let's cut SoP slack.

How'd I do?
Oh, wait a minute...I keep forgetting we're talking about Cincinatti here.
He's a bust. Bad move. Nevermind.

The Steelers selected Antwaan Randle el in the 2nd round, a QB who became a "slash" guy last year at Indiana starting the season as a wideout but was eventually moved back behind center. They project him as a punt returner, but "el" has dreams of eventually being an NFL QB like the other slash.

Trouble is, he's 5-9 and is far from Flutie-like in the accuracy dept, scouts say. Unless Kordell's Mini-me perfects the art of precision passing between defender's legs, he might want to get to shagging them punts, pronto.

For the second year in a row the Browns gambled a #1 pick on a player with a taste for bud (and I don't mean beer) and drafted a WR in the 2nd round for the 4th year in a row.

Hey, they'll get it right one of these days.
And a thousand chimps on a thousand typewriters will eventually bang out a new Star Wars script too.
Oh wait, maybe they already have...


Anybody loving on those ads for "Attack of the Clones?"
Didn't think so.

Nevermind the insipid title- luxuriate in the beyond-insipid dialogue the preview showcases:

Obi Wan Trainspotter: "I hate it when he does that."
(What, watching that smarmy looking "Teen Vadar" jumping out of a moving space-yugo and hopefully plunging to his death? I think you're in the minority there, Ob.)

Jedi Shaft: "THIS PARTY'S OVER!"
(No sh*t, Sam. It's been over for quite a while now.)

Yoda: "The beef, where is?"
(Ok, I made that one up)

I am convinced this franchise has either evolved into a mean-spirited inside joke being played on nerds and rabid toy collectors, or George Lucas' billions have warped his mind to the point where he can no longer differentiate between what is even remotely cool and what is uttering embarrassing.

That JarJar Binks muppet was universally reviled as the single most irritating Hollywood creation since Ernest (only I don't remember anyone wishing a slow, painful death upon Ernest) and this grating abomination is actually being brought back in AOTC as some sort of "commander."

Huh? Stand by for "Respectum meezums authority!"

The fact that Lucas is bringing him/it back as anything other than a stuffed and mounted trophy in Pizza the Hut's rec room shows the same kind of retarded "what mistake?" hutzpah Bill Cowher displays every season foisting Kordell on powerless Steelerfan. Incredulous, me is.


And speaking of movie miscues - although I kinda look forward to taking the R. tribe to see "Spiderman" next week, one question:

Could they have found a more sonambulistic zombie to play the Webhead than this pulseless, monotoned Toby Maguire guy? I'm assuming he got the part because comedian Steven Wright was too old. Sheesh.

I'm well aware his comic-book origin was that of nerdy teen loner, but the Spiderman I loved and remember from my youth was a sarcastic livewire, not some stoic Bruce Wayne-clone waxing dramatic about "his destiny." His being a major smartass (and screwup..until the end of each story, anyway) was what separated him from the other garden-variety superheros. That was his charm and it stood out like a sore thumb, so the Hollywood boys couldn't have possibly overlooked this crucial aspect of the character, could they?

Could they?

(After the swollen nipples on the Batsuit in that last crappy Caped Crusader funfest, anything is possible. Thanks, Joel Schumacher! Hey Hollywood, more screaming queens directing comic book action-movies, please..)

I understand this is the "origin" movie so it probably makes sense to go a little over the top on the dramatics this first go-round with Uncle Ben getting offed and stuff, but if he's doing the typical "brooding vigilante" schtick in the inevitable sequels, someone needs to be hurt.


On a sad but painfully innevitable note-
Layne Staley, the lead singer of Alice in Chains (aka the last great rock band IMHO before popular music went straight into the sh*tter in the late 90's) finally got his deathwish granted and ODed on smack last week. (Actually 3 weeks ago- his body had been fermenting for 2 weeks before someone bothered to check in on him. See how popular heroin makes you, kids!)

Wunnerful, wunnerful.

Meanwhile, even more tragic music news-
Britney Spears, N-Sync and Eminem are all as healthy as horses, and that prancing pretentious f*ck from Creed is a teatotaler.

Woo hoo.

(R.Maniac, Rant Legend can be found at and moderates Rant 4 at

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