The Windbag Report 5/22/02

I know you have been waiting with baited breath for my next installment, so here it is. For this one I decided to try writing sober. We'll see how it works. The reason for the delay was I read RManiac's column where he said was getting half a quid for his stuff while I was writing for free. I went on strike and Steve promised to pay me 10% more than RManiac is getting, so NAH!

I will toss a bone R's way, he wanted Haiku so I will add a bit here and there.  I am not good at it, but that never stops me.

So I am walking through the 3rd floor living room in the main house at Wind Bag estates the other day and my wife is watching one of those indistinguishable entertainment shows.  The ones where the celebrities tell us how difficult life can be when you get a new neighbor to your Bel Air estate that has a dog that barks from 7:45 to 8:00 am one morning.  Or God forbid those damn illegal aliens who do lawn work who have those nasty leaf blowers.  That just frosts the sh*t out of them.

Mexican lawn man
Leaf Blower at full blast, sh*t
Stop or I will bitch

Well, on comes Fran Dresher, aka The Nanny.  I have nothing against Ms. Dresher who has been fighting cancer and apparently won her battle.  Good for her.  But please, the little bit I caught had something to do with her whining about the medical care people in Hollywood get.  Note to Fran, I am fairly sure it is much better than what the working man gets with his HMO that has that generous $2000 deductible per month on prescriptions and the $400 co-pays for each minute of an office visit, including the interminable waiting time.  Luckily they usually only require 10 referrals before you get to see the specialist you knew you needed in the first place.

A short rant on politics.

Thankfully here in Maryland, the 8 years of Parris Glendenning are finally coming to an end.  The heir to his fiefdom is the one and only Kathleen Kennedy "I am now adding that name since Bentley kicked my ass" Townsend.  She is not only over-qualified having won exactly zero elections, but is brilliant as well.  I heard her pick for the Preakness, she had War Monger winning it.  I couldn't find him in the form, but my guess is she knew something we didn't.  He didn't run, so I guess he was a late scratch.  This is the same brilliant broad that, in the election in which Bentley kicked her ass, had the return of the draft as one of her issues.  A liberal democrat calling for a return to the draft, a brilliant strategy conceived with the idea of confusing an already moronic electorate and sure to distance herself from her core constituency.  Her best shot is that the Democratic Party here in MD is registering voters at the local graveyards in Baltimore city and PG County in record numbers.  My dog has more brains than this ditz bag and my dog licks its ass.

Townsend for gov'ner
God help us all, please, please, please
Erlich kicks her ass

What's that Steve, football?  Okay.

Hey, Ray Lewis, I usually don't say things like this, but you owe the Ravens front office, Billick and many of us fans something.  You owe us enough to show up for mini-camp, voluntary or not, contract extension or not.  We all stood by you when it would have been easier to distance ourselves.  How about a little return love, okay?

Ray Ray misses camp
Fans bitch and moan about it
Billick calls his ass out

I got to see Billick up close and personal at the CrabCake Factory down in Annapolis.  This guy rocks.  When he was hired I told Clown fans that if this guy didn't win a Super Bowl here it would be the front office's fault, not his.   Well, you know I am brilliant just from reading me, but that there should be further proof.  He is not only a great leader who could get you to run through brick walls, but the guy has a damn good sense of humor as well.  Coach, I too will miss you kicking Jeff Fisher's ass.  RACK HIM.  Much of his visit has been covered, but suffice it to say, making the playoffs at 10 wins is his goal, even during rebuilding.  One thing you will come away with when meeting the coach, especially in such an up close environment, the guy is a winner.  He could take any team in the NFL and win 6 games with them, minimum.  I think we have enough core talent that he can get those other 4 wins.

There is a reason Clown, Bungle and Squeeler fans hate on The Master.  They know he will own them for years to come.  And one last point on this issue, a special RACK for Art Modell.  He has inked Ozzie and Billick to extensions and tied them up for 6 more years.  Here's another prediction, we will hoist the hardware at least one more time in those 6 years.  And in those 6 years the Bungles will still not crack .500, the Clowns MIGHT squeak into the playoffs and the Squeelers will still find new and interesting ways to choke against lesser teams in huge games.  You just can't ignore history and tendencies.

Lombardi for us
Not one for Clownfan, whiners
We shall win again

Next big happening, both the Nests and the Roosts will be holding our conventions in OC starting in 9 days.  I will be drunk for 72 hours straight.  Unfortunately I won't have a PC with me so I won't be able to note my astounding insights while plowed there.  Another unfortunate thing is that I can rarely remember my brilliant pontifications once I am sobered up.  In any case, I hope I get to see many of you there so you can listen to my brilliance while under the influence.

Drink lots until drunk
This is what I do for fun
Then the hangover

But I do have one bitch about this.  Why is it the wonderful and esteemed individuals in the Roost and Nest hierarchy can't get together?  Why is it Roost members outside the Council level have no problem lowering themselves and associating with Nest members, yet these Council and Chamber yahoos can't?  (Just a joke Nesties, or is that Nesters?)  Seriously, grow up, we are Ravens fans, we want to tailgate, drink beer, watch football and raise a few bucks for some worthy charities.  Your little personality conflicts are annoying and stupid.  Get it together.

Until my next brilliant take, get over to the Rant ( ) and kick a little Clown fan ass.  You will be doing them a favor, they don't know how to behave unless we have the heel of our boot on their collective neck.

Clownfan is sub par
He knows and relishes it
He enjoys my boot

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