Imagine a scenario in which you can secure a ticket to one of the Washington Redskins' road matchups in the 2016 season. To which game do you make the trip?
Thanks to a simple formula that takes into account the opponent, the location, the date and a few other factors, Breaking Burgundy has the definitive ranking of all eight contests, starting with the worst and working up to the best. Here's the list...
Week 14 — At Philadelphia Eagles
Instead of making your way up to Lincoln Financial Field, try this: Take a beer out of your fridge, hand it to your friend and have them pour it on you as they also yell obscene things about your mother. It'll be just like going to an Eagles game as a Redskins fan, except you won't have to leave the house and risk bodily harm.
Week 16 — At Chicago Bears
This one is going to be played on Christmas Eve. Not even the thought of watching Jay Cutler gift three interceptions to Joe Barry's defense is worth sitting at Soldier Field in late December. And don't even bring up the idea of deep dish pizza; Little freakin' Caesar's does deep dish pizza these days. It's not hard to find.
Week 8 — At Cincinnati Bengals
Some will point at this game and say, "It's in London! How could it be ranked so low?" The answer to that question? Because it's in London. London games are always terrible. London games always end up as a 19-12 field goal fest or a 37-0 blowout. Plus, to get there, you'd have to take an endless flight where "Kung Fu Panda 3" is played on repeat and the baby behind you howls in your ear for hours. Don't ever go to a London game.
Week 7 — At Detroit Lions
Every season, the Redskins lose in a week where they absolutely shouldn't. This absolutely feels like the date that'll happen. Washington has lost its last three times out against Detroit, including its last two visits to Ford Field. Chill on the couch and watch RedZone instead.
Week 13 — At Arizona Cardinals
This game has some potential. Now, the Cardinals are probably going to be pretty darn good again in 2016, so it's not going to be easy for Jay Gruden's bunch to pick up a win. However, it's in Arizona, which is arguably the top state in the American southwest, and if the 'Skins do pull off an upset, it'll be sweet to say you were there to witness it.
Week 5 — At Baltimore Ravens
This could be said for fans of almost every other franchise, but who cares: Ravens fans are unbearable. Fortunately, in Week 5, M&T Bank Stadium is going to be packed with Burgundy and Gold, and being a part of that invasion — while also getting a shot to mercilessly taunt someone in a way-too-tight Ray Lewis jersey — is a great opportunity. Seize that opportunity.
Week 3 — At New York Giants
It's Josh Norman vs. Odell Beckham Jr. This should honestly become a pay-per-view game — that's how juicy the showdown will be. Plus, the trip is within driving distance, which means a chance to save on airfare and hotels, giving you some extra cash for the after-party that'll follow when Norman picks off Eli Manning and returns it for the game-winning score.
Week 12 — At Dallas Cowboys
This one has it all. A gorgeous stadium (yes, even Jerry Jones can do something right every once in a while). A classic rivalry. The perfect spot in the schedule, right when the Redskins will need to turn it on before December. And, because it's so late, the Cowboys will likely be starting Kellen Moore at quarterback. According to Breaking Burgundy's formula, this is easily the top choice.
Follow Peter Hailey on Twitter at @barelyin.
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