Fan Noise: The End is Near!

Almost there. The finish line for this longest of off seasons is on the horizon. It's been rough for everyone. It's also always darkest just before the dawn of a new day.

Goodness Gracious (to quote our most beloved of NFL coaches)…it seems the off-season is almost over. You wouldn't know it around here, with the absolute nothingness going on.

We do have one thing to whet our gnawing NFL football appetite. This coming weekend, Matt Hasselbeck and other quarterbacks will be competing in the NFL Quarterback challenge. Rumor has it Matt won the event, so be sure to mark your calendars and check your local TV listings for details. You can also read about it here.

Of course, the QB challenge is nothing more than a lapdance until we get to the good stuff next month when training camp starts. And training camp is just simple foreplay to the real thing, but it's just yet another milestone signaling we're that much closer to opening day.

Speaking of the full carnal glory of the regular season, you'd think the NFL would do more to promote the game itself. Why doesn't the Seahawks Pro Shop sell a DVD set of at least a highlight show for the 2003 season? I'd pay money for all 17 games on DVD myself, but at least a nice highlight reel, with a few extras like player/coach interviews, behind-the-scenes footage, training camp extras, candid camera moments, etc. would be a nice keepsake. It's true that the NFL has their own cable network channel, but for those of us with less than cooperative cable companies, it would be peachy to have something to watch while we wait. Come on, Paul, you've got the resources to hire a film crew to follow the team around for six months.

Speaking of film crews, soon we'll be able to watch Seahawks commercials on TV – and I hope for the city's sake we're given something better this year than the offerings of years past. Lame, to put it bluntly, doesn't even come close to describing the Johnny Cash "I walk the line" era. Last year's commercials weren't really BAD, mind you, but we need something over the top to get this town excited about professional football again. The diehards (like me) will be rooting for the team as always, but for the rest of the town, we need butts in seats. Not butts in seats cheering for the opposing team, as we've come to expect year after year. This town was once a booming NFL football town. It could be again. I wrote last year that all of the stars were aligned for the butts in seats quotient to increase (which didn't exactly happen quite as well as hoped) and it's even more prophetic this year. The pro sports team next door is hemorrhaging fans while it plays for the #1 pick in next year's draft. The Sonics are horrible and couldn't even manage to make the playoffs last year (which is next to impossible to miss). The one bright spot in Seattle is the WNBA Storm, but that sport hasn't caught on quite yet, unfortunately.

Speaking of the Seattle Storm, memo to the WNBA…if you want the sport to succeed, nothing sells like Sex. Last time I checked, Lauren Jackson is a major robo-babe (but just one of many). To appeal to the 18-34 male hetero demographic, the best way to their heart is sex, sex, sex. I don't care if it sounds less than politically correct. I don't care if it's sexist. Embrace and market their femininity. Quit pandering to the folks that get all up in arms at the mention of the word nipple. Adopt the slogan "For a spankin' good time…".

And speaking of spanking, I deserve one for missing my article submission last week. Shame on me. Real life™ intruded, and prevented me from regaling my much limited audience with more wit and banter. Not much of an excuse, but it'll have to do.

Glenn Geiss writes the "Fan Noise" column for Seahawks.NET every Thursday. Feel free to send him feedback at Top Stories