Flattland: Job Hunts, Bowling and, oh, Preseason!

Our ever-eclectic writer Trav Flatt searches for work, attempts to engage those "Leggy Blond Twenty-Somethings", goes Bowling, and discusses the Foreplay of Football: Preseason.

It's been a hideously busy week.

To begin with, I've been going forth into Great Urban San Angelo in search of a new job. It wouldn't hurt to resume making money and resume paying for my car so it can continue sitting dysfunctionally in the yard.

The thing is; I haven't been looking for a job in ten years. Aside from a Departmental transfer, I haven't even changed jobs in eight years. To summarize, I don't really know what the hell I'm doing. I didn't even really interview for the previous jobs so much as fell into them.

So, I got myself all prepared, painstakingly crafting a resume'. I printed out a couple dozen of the things and sallied forth to find... Nobody wanted to accept a resume'.

Really. Every single place I went had their own application form onto which I had to copy everything that was already typed onto the resume'. There wasn't even a "Master Application" I could make copies of. Nope. Every SINGLE place, I got to fill in basically the same information that I had already printed up and ready to go. Didn't strike me as the most efficient system I'd ever encountered.

Meanwhile, I'm holding down a REAL part-time contract with the local Air Force base. The job so far has basically consisted of my showing up on the three days I'm scheduled to show up and being told that there hasn't been any work organized for me to do yet, so I should probably turn around and go home. Would be a sweet deal if I weren't on hourly wage. On the plus side, there ARE Leggy Blonde Army and Air Force Ladies.

Which brings me to the Social aspect of getting adjusted to the new base of operations. I've ventured out a few times, and to my surprise, the town certainly does NOT close down at sunset. To the contrary, every place I've stopped in to date has been well patronized by Leggy Blonde Twenty-Somethings.

Yet another downside (There always seems to be a downside. Maybe I'm just cynical).

Despite my somewhat active social leanings, I'm actually drastically boring until I get to know people. I'm always going solo, so I'm The Guy Alone in the Room Not Drinking ‘cause I've got to drive. I don't initiate conversations, as… well, as noted – I'm drastically boring. To top it off, if someone DID just randomly amble up to me and start chatting, I'd be mildly suspicious as to what would make them want to be randomly ambling up to solitary not drinking guy. Even then, the most they'd be likely to extract from me is a crooked smile and an occasional nod.

Back when I was actually doing the Social Scene thing, it was much different. Whyever for? Because I was singing in a band. When you're doing THAT, you can sit in a corner and sulk and everyone will still want to hang out with and/or grope you. It's one of those inexplicable Laws of Nature.

So, it's all been an adjustment. In response, I've decided to just go bowling. Frequently.

Anyhoo. It's THAT TIME! The endless offseason has finally come to an end! We have ACTUAL football games starting to happen! I'm just downright overcome with joy and so forth! Dad's been angling to get the DirectTV Sports Package set up, and I'm quite intent on promoting these efforts. We'll be able to get Celebrity Ferret Legging on ESPN12 before the Preseason ends.

That's the downside (Yes, another one). It's the Preseason. The Preseason is like football foreplay. Sure, we'd rather be watching Preseason Football than, say, shingling the roof, but it's still not quite the REAL game. Also, someone could pull a hamstring. Or get ‘Turf Toe'. I'm carrying this analogy way too far, but you get my general point, right?

Preseason games, while I would NOT be one of those people advocating their abolition, mainly scare me. There's a chance some vital team person could be injured all for naught. On the upside, though, you get to see guys who might not play a regular season down getting reps.

Now, I know Preseason games are supposed to be meaningless. It's more about player development and team cohesion than the Win-Loss record, but… I want to see the boys beat the living crap out of the Packers. It's time for a little "meaningless" revenge. Embarrass them! Make their next of kin weep! Make their pets flee the state! To paraphrase Mr. Rhodes (I would be afraid to call him "Ray-Ray", to be honest), Dislodge their gonads off!!

And if Al Harris winds up with turf toe, I will not lose any sleep.

Fire off your scintillating insights, inquiries, and lewd preseason analogies to trav@spinn.net

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