Flattland: Indepth Team Analysis! (Just Kidding)

Our Resident King of Levity examines Chad Brown's injury, the ineptitude of the Seahawks against the Broncos, and oh yeah, resumes.

I really need to work on my attention to detail.

I just got home from another day of submitting applications… For a bit of a tangential rant here: I diligently prepared an entire BATCH of résumés, only to find that nobody wants the stupid things. Every, and I mean EVERY place I have gone to so far has wanted their specific application filled out in the proper little boxes with the exact same information that was on the résumé.

They're all asking for, of course, the exact same information. You would think employers would just TAKE the prepared information, right? NooOOooo, they can't even standardize the stupid form and accept a generic one. I've filled out the SAME information so many times that even I'm sick of writing about me… which is saying a lot.

But that's not my point. Ahem. My point was going to be that I came home all excited and ready to watch the Hawks game. Oops, apparently it is not on Thursday night. At least this isn't nearly as bad as the last time I lost track of the schedule. Last time, I went and talked smack in a Random Enemy Forum after the game had already been played and lost.

The downside to all of this is that I'm left with little to discuss but last week's game, and I really don't want to TALK about last week's game. Granted, I can offer up some pretty valid excuses for why we got molested by the Broncos, but I don't particularly want to do that either. Excuses are just excuses. They won, we didn't.

In the end, though, I think it was good for us. Some of our youngsters were probably starting to believe too much of their own press. We might've been getting cocky, and I'd much rather have a wake-up slap in the face during preseason than during, say, a late season division game. Sometimes you have to fall on your face to be reminded how hard the ground is, and better now than later.

Though, sometimes the ground ends up being TOO hard, as in the case of one Chad Brown. It's mildly ironic to make it unscathed through a couple of preseason games only to lose a starter during practice, but unfortunately ironic injuries are just as debilitating as any other sort. With Brown out, what looked like our defensive strength last year is looking like our primary defensive liability this year. Here's hoping The Chad (Please, no ‘dangling chad' references from the Floridians) makes a swift recovery. In the meantime, maybe he can make some suggestions to Heath Evans vis-à-vis how to CATCH THE BALL.

Meanwhile, as Chad's growing richer whilst nursing his boo-boo and Heath's growing richer for not catching passes, I'm still filling out those damn applications.

I have also…

***Big News Alert Thing***

…returned to the world of Academia. I'm basically right back where I started when I was eighteen, to be perfectly honest. For one, I'm starting into health sciences college courses, for two, I'm scraping around for work, for three, I'm starting a new band. Exactly what I was doing when I was eighteen. Roughly two years from now, I'll be embarking on the New Medical Career Field.

But… That's two years from now. The more contemporary concern is finding a good band name, but I can't really go into good band names due to copyright issues. Though, I am quite seriously taking suggestions. At present, I'm rather fond of "Trouser Ferret", though Drummer Stu seems inclined toward "Furious Taint".

It's just occurred to me that I'm following the career path of Buckaroo Banzai, (World Famous Rock Star/Neurosurgeon/Comic Book Hero, for those who don't recall), but I'm going to try not to think too hard about that.

In ANY case: Friday should make for a good look at what the first team ‘Hawks can do. It's the preseason game that tends to most closely resemble an actual football game, and it should be interesting to see how the first-team offense gets clicking and how the first team defense holds up. I'm not expecting to see a great deal of Ladainian Tomlinson, which is a shame – If any running back can give our defense a solid test, this is the guy to do it. I would have also liked to see some of Phillip Rivers, but considering that he's just now strolling into camp, that doesn't seem terribly likely.

Now, at this point I'm betting some of you think I didn't notice, but I have to mention the following news item, which is something that creates high points in the lives of small-woodland-creature-fixated-sports-journalists:

Indians Welcome ‘Rally Squirrel'

Yes. I am utterly delighted. Wednesday night at Jacobs field, a rogue squirrel interrupted the Indians-Yankees game. The even more amusingly named Coco Crisp is quoted as saying, "We had a guy in the stands coaching it, he was telling him to run after Jeter…"

Joe Torre was diligent enough to point out, "I noticed he kept running away from Sheffield." The squirrel, he meant, not Crisp.

HOWEVER. There could be a bit of a problem brewing, here. It seems that the Colorado Rockies had already adopted a ‘Rally Squirrel' mascot. Perhaps some sort of arrangement can be worked out between the Rockies and the Indians. My vote would have to go to Cleveland, though. While the Indians have an actual live squirrel interfering when Jeter goes up to bat, the Rockies only have a stuffed chipmunk (Which is, as you might note, not technically a squirrel).

In light of this development in the theme of small rodentlike creatures assisting sports franchises, I formally encourage ALL Seahawks fans to immediately invest in a stuffed ‘Rally Ferret'. They are easily available online. Just google ‘Stuffed Ferret', and get yourself a very small Seahawks jersey.

Fire off your scintillating insights, inquiries, and rally ferret bargains to trav@spinn.net

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