Beat The Man - Week Thirteen

"Wakie Wakie...Eggs and Bakie!" With five games left in the regular season, Scott Jones has a rather pointed question for the Seahawks: "What the %^@#%^ are you guys waiting for?!?!?!?"

What was that about wagons?

Last Week: A ‘no show' (coincidentally)
Season to Date: 24-25

Last time around here at BTM, we talked about Apathy… and then took a week off (in every way possible). This week, let's talk about apathy's worst enemy – Urgency.

Urgency means get up off your ass and get the job done cuz we don't have time left to *expletive* around on this anymore. It means the idea of rest is as appealing as sleeping away Xmas day – while everyone else gobbles up gifts (and all the best liquor). It means taking a seat is the last thing you want to do because you're energy is relentless and anything less than running through a stucco wall feels like rejection. Urgency is the guy painted blue who can't be bothered by the suit-and-tie who keeps asking him to ‘sit down, please'. Urgency means every play matters. And you better play like it's your last. Cuz if you don't? It very well might be.

Urgency has no time for pretenders.
And time waits for no man.

Apparently, several members of this Seahawk team are under the odd misconception that time will, in fact, wait for them. They've been asleep at the wheel since the Rams thought to tell them "Relax. There will be plenty of stoplights ahead." Their gearshift went numb. And as long as they can still hear the motor – they figure the car still has gas in it, and we can still get across town.

Or maybe they're just quiet in the back, tired of asking Dad (Mike Holmgren) "Are we there yet?" While he trumpets his stellar navigation skills to their mother (Us), "We'll get there just fine, I know where I'm going. Just shut up and let me drive."

This just in, Dad… we're out of gas. It's time to get out of the car and walk like a man. Or do you want us to get out and push while you sit your ass in that driver's seat and steer us into lethargy?

No, thanks. Let's get out of the station wagon and have a look at our predicament, shall we?

That Bills game may be the best thing to happen to this team. It may be the wake up call we needed. Perhaps jilted egos will be enough to inspire our hats to GET REAL and show some urgency! We've been farting around since week 5 barely losing to good teams, and barely beating crappy teams. And last Sunday – was reality. That's what we've earned.

Forget about the record, how many wins it may take to get into the playoffs, what's respectable and what isn't. Forget about that. The reality of the predicament is: we're playing like a bunch of hobos. And we are FAR too talented to be playing that way (despite any injuries). This is the best chance this franchise has EVER had at a Super Bowl. There is legitimate reason to expect such an appearance from the team. Therefore, the record doesn't matter at all. What matters is you believe you belong. And take the field willing to pay the price to prove it. Failing that? Your season ain't worth a damn.

You've got to be lit up like a reindeer in games vs. the Rams, the Patriots, the Vikings. And you've got to punish those teams in between. You've got to conquer like you're worthy. Anyone watching Philadelphia, the Pats, the Steelers, Atlanta, or the San Diego Chargers for that matter – can recognize one indisputable difference between them and us. They're playing like it's a football game and there's something on the line worth playing for. We're playing like we never get any candy anyway, so who the hell cares?

Well hey, if there ain't no fire, there ain't no chimney - and Santa ain't gonna deliver Lombardi.

Obviously, it doesn't help get presents when your HC can't stop ignoring the man to give the ball to inside the 10 wears #37. Our own personal fat man fails to recognize when to stop forcing the pass and use what gifts you've got to open things up the other way around. Why he finds it criminal to run Alexander twice at the goal-line before looking to the pass, is something only a soon-to-be-appointed by a stubbornly-stupid-Conservative-President Supreme Court Judge could support (ooops, sorry about that. Politics has no place here).

Someone needs to box Mike Hardhead with his earmuffs and poke him in the eye, Three Stooges-style. But that's besides the point, cuz really, the problem here is Urgency. And our immediate lack of respect for it.

Well, respect this 2004: Next year we're going to lose several players. We've got Free Agents galore and it will all be over with. There will be an exodus to riches and someplace where you get noticed… a talent jailbreak outta here like a chicken coup full of Cool Hand Lukes. Furthermore, Dad will be dating someone else next year cuz if he don't get this family what it deserves - Mom is going to kick his lardass right outta the house. Of that you can be certain. Now maybe some of you boys will get lucky and land in next year's landmark – the team that gets the ring. But that's a rare coin. High-priced Free Agents don't normally go to teams that conquer, they go where teams are desperate to pay. The rest of you will still be stuck in Seattle where the sun don't shine and we're back in rebuilding mode. Therefore, right now is most likely your very best chance to claim something. You wanna march, and be a part of something special? Or you wanna limp the rest of the way and wonder about what coulda been… if only you were hungry enough to earn it? Ain't nobody gonna shine those shoes…

The Sprinkler has no hose. Someone better plug it in…
I know just the man (and it ain't me).

"That team that you saw today you won't see again. That team that played today? They're done." – Matt Hasselbeck

I'm happy to hear that, Matt – urgency is now. The Monday Night lights are on. Everyone's waiting to see if you're for real and whether your words carry weight. I've seen you impressively will this team back into contention before. Do it again, my boy. Make it so…

Grab it!

And now to this week's "hardly a success" picks:

PHI –6 vs. GB
I like Philly here. I just really don't think The Fondue are any damned good (choosing ignorance to their 6-game winning streak). The ‘I-want-meat-with-my-dairy-products-please' Cheese Steak face up very well statistically here, against a banged up Ahman Green. Philly takes it serious. And they won't be facing 4th and a quarter of the field to make first downs. Nope. Sorry Pack – back to the fridge with ya.

ATL +1.5 @ TB
Has anyone noticed that I really like the Falconians this year? No? Well, I really like this bird (witness Coach Mora imploring the crowd to bring the noise in the final moments vs. the Saints last week – much like a fan in the stands. Now THAT'S what I like!). They're a lot more menacing than that one out over the waves. Meanwhile, Tampa Bay ain't no Jack Sparrow…

DEN +3 @ SD
The San Diego SuperChargers have covered 8in-a-row. Last week 2 of the 3 cover streaks ended as Pittsburgh and Baltimore failed to cover after 7in-a-row. Purely a mathematical pick here. (Otherwise, I'd be picking the Bolts as they were most impressive last week in a game KC really wanted. I'm sold on the Bolts. They have what we don't… heart).

RAMS –10.5 vs. SF
I'm suddenly sick of drinking Red-Stripe. In fact, I upped the anti to Red Bull and Yaeger. That stuff packs a punch (and can get you kicked out of taverns quite effectively. Wahoo!). The Rams are insulted by our inability to put them away and look to take it out on their true rival… Besides, Mike Martz is a damned genius.

DC –2 vs. NYG
The Giants are boring. Manning is a dweeb. The Skins can't score either… Um, did I really put this on my list? Does anyone care – I'm under .500!! Like I've retained any sort of credibility to actually argue why you should respect my picks?

Nevertheless, here they are in an easy to read, digestible format:

PHI –6
ATL +1.5
DEN +3
RAMS –10.5
DC –2

Beat The Man, cuz… SOMEbody's gotta do it!

G. Scott Jones is a freelance writer who contributes regularly to Seahawks.NET. Reaction of any sort is always encouraged at schleprockhawk@sbcglobal.net.



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