Fan Noise: "All I Want For Christmas"

It's the season of giving, of hope and good tidings. Columnist Glenn Geiss has made a wish list for Santa that every Seahawk fan would probably endorse.

I wasn’t really expecting to have to make up a wish list this year.

But when all hope is lost, when all else fails, when it’s darkest before the dawn – everyone will turn to any shred of hope, any method, anything, to turn around their particular circumstances.

It’s gone beyond that.

At the start of the season, it looked like everything was going to come up roses for the Seahawks. The sleeper team to win the Super Bowl. Offense that tore up teams at the end of 2003 was largely intact. Defense was upgraded in several key areas. A decent schedule. The obvious decline of their opponents within the division.

Oh, how far we’ve fallen.

Even if the Seahawks do manage to get into the playoffs, no one in their right mind should be satisfied with the method of its attainment. As it stands right now, it doesn’t even look like they will win the last two games. The Seahawks certainly can’t stop anyone from scoring points, and when the offense is constantly playing catch up against a decent defense, they can’t find any rhythm, and start to either choke, press, or both. Even when the offense is playing well, the defense seems to always find a way to fold under pressure. The only consistent thing about the team is its lack of consistency.

So, now it’s time to appeal to a higher power. Here is a list of things I’d like Santa to bring to the Seahawks organization, and the fans.

#1 – Clue™. Give it to the referees so they can finally know how to officiate a game properly. Last year, with the litany of mistakes made against the Seahawks, it was just a fluke. This year, it’s a conspiracy. I don’t think any team, in the history of Football, has had to deal with the utter ineptitude of officials as the Seahawks have. It’s not just a case of not seeing which side drew the other off sides – it’s the gut wrenching, game deciding decisions week after week that have torn the viscera out of the team. It has gotten so bad that Coach Holmgren is afraid to even challenge rulings, because he just knows it’s not going to work. And the officials even know when to make calls that can’t be reviewed. While the staff and players can’t publicly state the obvious, I certainly can. The NFL referees are horrible. The review system is broken and needs fixing to compensate for the referee’s ineptitude. It’s quite a travesty that game after game is not decided by the players, but by the men in striped shirts. Three separate plays during the last Jets game directly impacted a total of 21 points towards the team. That’s inexcusable. In Minnesota an official five yards away can’t tell when a quarterback is sacked. That pass would’ve been ruled a touchdown if it was completed, and anyone that thinks it would’ve been reviewed correctly is nuts. How can anyone think that based on what has transpired so far this year, let alone the last? In Dallas the officials gave the Cowboys seven points that shouldn’t have been seven points, and further the reviewers should’ve reviewed it. Cost the Seahawks the game as well.

And that’s just the past three games. Pathetic. Sour grapes? What do you think?

#2 – Risk™. Give this one to the coaching staff. Have them learn how to take risks once in a while. I covered this subject last week somewhat – run trick plays. Directly snap to the RB. Try a fake field goal or punt on a 4th and 1. Even a flea flicker. Just once. What have you got to lose? This season is so bad, the Arizona Cardinals can quite conceivably take the division. Yes, the lowly, horrible, Arizona Cardinals.

#3 – Chutes and Ladders™. For Ray Rhodes. Use it to slide your way out of the sky box and down onto the field. Get down with your troops, and become the motivator everyone alludes to. Your presence away from the team hasn’t helped, now it’s the time to actually earn your pay. Become accountable to Mike Holmgren and the players DURING the game. Leaders don’t lead from the rear, they lead from the front. Get down in the mud, and lead. You are solely responsible for the mess the defense is in, now it’s time to take charge of this crime scene.

#4 – Operation™. Given to the trainers and medical staff to brush up on their skills to learn how to keep this team healthy for once. Is Chad Brown going to play more than a couple of quarters at a time before getting hurt again? Is this team ever going to have their starters on defense ALL play on the field at the same time this year? One can only hope.

#5 – Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots™. For the defense. Relearn how to hit. Develop some tackling skills that seem to have eluded them. Get back that killer instinct to knock the opponent’s block off. Become machines of destruction.

#6 – Pictionary™. For the coaching staff and players to learn the important skill of communication and listening. The object of this game is for one person to draw out a thought or idea for the other’s to decipher. Whoever comes up with the correct response wins the round. In this case, the coaches could use it to better learn how to communicate during the game some simple (but obviously ignored) concepts like how not to over pursue. How to tackle. How to blitz properly. How to relax and make reads. How to hold onto a football without fumbling it. How to not press and try and do too much. How to kick a punt farther than 32 yards. How to execute a run play to convert a 3rd (or 4th) and 1. What a fair catch means. This game usually features a lot of animated yelling – yet another skill our coaching staff could learn to inspire the troops.

#7 – Sorry™. For the opponents, I don’t need to elaborate further, I think.

The last present under the Christmas tree I’d like to see is a simple one. For owner Paul Allen to give peace on earth and goodwill towards men. Namely to retain – no matter the ultimate outcome – Coach Holmgren’s job. There has been a ton of speculation in the media about Coach Holmgren’s employment future. Quite frankly, I can’t stand it. Perhaps I need a new prescription for my glasses, but no matter what, I still think that Mike Holmgren is the right head coach for this job.

Everyone else is fair game.

And to the rest of my dear readers, I want to wish you a joyous and happy holiday season. If you’ll be imbibing of liquid holiday cheer, don’t drive. Call a cab or have a designated driver. Most of all, I hope you and your family have great blessings and love. Best wishes to all!

Glenn Geiss writes the Fan Noise column for Seahawks.NET every week. Feel free to send him feedback at Top Stories