Flattland: "Huh!"

With the playoffs on the horizon, Seahawks.NET Humorist At Large Trav Flatt is ready to play with pain. Anyone know the name of a good chiropractor in the vicinity of San Angelo, Texas?

At this point in the season I can say with complete and utter conviction: “Huh!”

One of the reasons I say this is due to the fact that it is a very small word which doesn’t require a great deal of effort to type. This is highly significant inasmuch as I have recently gone from a general activity level comparable to recently deceased persons to actual working out on a daily basis. Thusly, there isn’t a potentially mobile sector of my body that doesn’t hurt.

I can’t ‘start slow’ and ‘work my way back into it’ like normal persons, no. I have to take on the everyday routine and try to compete with twenty-year-old absurdly athletic coworker persons. So, “Huh!” is about as articulate as I can manage. (I’ve also been able to state, “Hrngh,” and “Whrrrnn,” but these don’t convey my intent nearly as well.)

So, the Seahawks are in the Playoffs! NFC West Division Champions with a Home Playoff Game -- It certainly sounds impressive, though I am personally hesitant to actually say it until we get past the St. Louis Violent Sheep. Let’s face it, if the Sheep beat us three times in one season, twice at home, can we really claim, “Best in the Division” with a straight face?

Well, I can’t. I’d always have that little mental asterisk beside the “NFC West Division Champs” pointing out that our rival slapped us around three times.

But, it doesn’t have to be that way! Perhaps the Hawks can get past their issues (“subscriptions” might be more appropriate,) and plant the Sheep facemask-first into the turf.

Saturday’s match up has all of the makings of… well, a completely unpredictable game. Both teams are capable of shredding most defenses, but only if they feel like it. Both teams are also capable of performing with the precision of inebriated ferrets… if they feel like it. It’s just a matter of which teams show up at the stadium. It should definitely be an interesting game, for what that’s worth.

For myself, that would be worth a few hours of screaming at the television. Probably from my chair, as standing upright has become rather difficult on account of the self-inflicted trauma. I would occasionally attempt to lift an arm in outrage or triumph, at least. I would certainly say, “Hrrngh.”

Unfortunately… I have to work. I don’t GET to watch my Seahawks in their home playoff game. Luckily enough, now that my Cowboy fan friends have nothing to watch, they’ve become very interested in seeing what the Seahawks do. It’s a win-win situation for them, really. They can either cheer the ‘Hawks on my behalf, or turncoat and mock me if they fall. This is my reward for bringing Seahawk Awareness to the Concho Valley. Anything short of a Super Bowl Victory, and they’ll be swift to tell me ALL about it, rest assured.

This has been an intense regular season for your average Seahawk fan. There are countless factors at play in this intensity due to the fact that I can’t be bothered to look them all up and count them just now. Without going into the depth that our other more competent writers have gone into… The Mike Holmgren Question, The Matt Hasselbeck Question, The Shaun Alexander Question, The Koren Robinson… whatever the hell that was, The Ken Lucas Question, The Pre-Season Hype, The Fourth Quarter Collapse Problem… it’s a good deal for a hapless Seahawk fan to deal with. I mean, come on. It’s not like we have a glorious history of success to keep us warm at night. This is IT, baby.

On the positive side of my musings regarding the regular season; Grant Wistrom. While I agree that we overpaid the dude, I’m still glad to have his overpaid self around for the long term. I can only hope that his first injury-riddled season was a fluke, and that he’ll remain a solid performer for the immediate future. Michael Boulware. Taking a look at the overall performance of our rookies this season, it’s almost a surprise to remember that he was NOT our first-round draft pick. Niko Koutouvides. Simply for being the -only- draft pick I called before draft day and managing to look pretty good in the process (Also, for having a great name. We need to look into signing more guys with polysyllabic names starting with ‘K’.)

On the fence: Mike Holmgren. It’s hard to say what I would personally like to see happen here. To be honest, my main drive in wanting to keep Holmgren around is in the fact that I’m still pretty Pro-Hasselbeck. I wonder, though, if Hass would thrive as well in another system, or if he is a true “System Quarterback”. Shaun Alexander. Kudos to Shaun for having a stellar year… But the hissy fit I could have done without. Without even looking at the selfishness of his outburst, one immediately has to think of the various times on 3rd and Short over the course of the season where Mr. Alexander could have picked up his one yard. It’s not unstupid to fixate on one play which just happened to result in a successful score and claim THAT was the sole reason you didn’t get the rushing title. Sorry, Shaun, but deal.

Fire off your scintillating insights, inquires, and hrnnngh… to flattman@earthlink.net

Trav Flatt

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