CSI: Kirkland

In his Seahawks.NET debut. Greg Renick gets all "CSI" on us and puts the 2004 Seahawks under the knife. Is there hope in this coroner's report?


CASE# 2005-01

DECEDENT: Seattle Seahawks 2004 season
AGE: 29 seasons
IDENTIFIED BY: All persons who watched the season
DATE AND TIME OF DEATH: Saturday, January 8, 2005 approx. 1700 hrs (PST)
MANNER OF DEATH: 27-20 loss to the St. Louis Rams at Qwest Field
CAUSE OF DEATH: Undecided; immaturity and gumption are key culprits


1. 29-year old organization pronounced DOA.
2. Contributing symptoms include: injuries, pass rush anemia, dropped passes, contrived blitz schemes, poor defensive coaching adjustments and a general hesitancy to step up and align potential with performance.
3. Coroner strongly urges that organizational changes be made to prevent future traumatic reoccurrences.

GENERAL APPEARANCE: Considerable wear and tear. Systemic loss of key personnel on the defense. Players losing the battle in the "age" vs "performance" metric. Vast amounts of potential and capability without the necessary brain, bone, cell and muscle structure to adequately support output.

ROUTINE EXTERNAL EXAMINATION: Front office contributed greatly to this untimely death. Investigation revealed that most players are not ready (or are unwilling) to achieve their potential. Defensive coordinator over utilized tired/obvious soft coverage and zone blitz schemes. Defense as a whole shows long-term symptoms consistent with ineffective pass rush, which we believe to be a catalyst for most of the trauma. Extremities exam identified dysfunctional hands on offensive side and weak knees for the whole team.

Not able to find a heart, with the exception of a few select players. Stomach area seems small as compared to requisite levels for a successful football team.

TRACE EVIDENCE: Scant levels of hope discovered. A well worn defensive playbook was discovered at the scene of the crime. However, the only pages found included "Zone Blitzes" and "Soft Zone Coverage." We found it highly peculiar that there were no other pages included in this document. Strangely enough, the opponents offensive playbook was also discovered and it was a single-page document inscribed with the following: "Run the same plays we always do against the Seahawks, they can't stop us." No presence of a functioning special teams unit noted -- may be attributable to ancillary issues noted in CNS (Central Nervous System).

TOXICOLOGY: Considerable amount of unidentified vapor in blood stream (some kind of neurotoxin manufactured in St. Louis, Missouri). Preliminary lab results screen positive for "whoop-ass." It appears someone used the whole can. CORONER'S NOTE: neurotoxins are defined as "poisons used by animals for protection against predators or for capturing prey." Taxonomy species identified as Ovis aires, more commonly known as the domestic sheep. Specifically, this animal appears to be the uncastrated male variant, also known as a "Ram." This animal is particularly effective in its application of "whoop-ass" when cornered by birds indigenous to the Northwest region.

X-RAYS: P.U.O. (Passive Unidentified Object) noted. Tentative cell analysis identifies the object as "pride"...could it have been ingested?

MICROSCOPIC EXAMINATION: Representative sections of major team components have been obtained and routinely processed into mainstream print media for histological examination. These will be reviewed during the upcoming off-season to determine free agent and draft needs.

CLOTHING AND VALUABLES: Sweat soaked/blood stained sea blue jerseys and pants. Apparent cleat marks noted all over the back of both the jerseys and pants.


(1) Too many skill players did not play up to their talent level.
(2) Defensive scheme and cognizant components needed replacement well before time of death.
(3) Inability of defense to come up with critical stops in 3rd down situations (problem seems to be endemic).
(4) Lack of a game breaking playmaker at the wide receiver position.
(5) Special teams play not commensurate with professional level (no evidence of blocked kicks or return touchdowns throughout the 2004 campaign). Examiner noted he has rarely seen special teams in this poor of condition.
(6) Questionable leadership development.

TATTOOS/MARKS(1): Branding located on torso...some kind of prophetic poem: "We can still get this thing done/we are just so young"

Greg Renick is a writer for www.talkhawks.com, and his articles are syndicated to Seahawks.NET. Feel free to contact Greg at renickg@nwc.navy.mil.

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