Newswire: Hello, News Opportunities!

Evil journalists may have a field day today as Peter Boulware comes to Cleveland!

Here's a glance through today's Browns news from a guy who is convinced he can keep his weight down if he just eats enough low-cal snack bars. Fans reading this story via Yahoo! Sports will want to visit the original article at to see the links and slap the author via the attached message boards...

Fans suffering through the early phases of the NFL's early Summer news "dead zone" may get some relief today.

Not only should more June 1 cuts be reported, but the Boulware Watch begins in earnest as the recently released Baltimore linebacker visits Cleveland. To top off a possible active news day, the Browns trot Kenard Lang and defensive coordinator Todd Grantham out to speak to reporters.

Plus, expect a thorough report on the team's stretching skills as the Evil Media™ is allowed to glimpse the first twenty minutes of practice today. If there is any way we can help Browns fans understand how the team limbers up for practice, we're ready to help.

The downside of the team allowing this look at practice is that we might accidentally expose the team's calf-stretching techniques to the always-vigilant Cincinnati Bengals. We'll try to keep ourselves under control. 

The subject of the Evil Media™ brings us, naturally, to today's Daily Newswire.

The noxious journalistic pests, hiding behind their cherished First Amendment, start off today by warning Browns fans that Peter Boulware is in town and will need a quick sales job in order to keep him here. Boulware is scheduled to fly off to Seattle late this afternoon to see the Seahawks, who have Boulware's brother, Michael, on the roster.

We started getting some of the early notices on June 1 cuts as well. Seahawks WR Koren Robinson looks doomed up in Seattle, since they'll need the cap space if they want to sign Boulware. As noted in the Watercooler, Robinson probably has enough charges filed against him to be an excellent fit in Baltimore.

Speaking of the Ratbirds, the Patriots yesterday dumped QB Chris Redman, who was another terrific success story for quarterback-mentoring offensive genius Brian Billick. In another of the reported moves, the Saints released LB Orlando Ruff. Look for more names to show up today.

Elsewhere, the Canton Repository reports on Jim Brown's appearance on the NFL Network, where he defended Kellen Winslow and poked at the league's general decline in sportsmanship. We're now at the point, apparently, where league employees interviewing team employees is considered news.

Finally, Ross Verba may be pushing the Browns into looking at OT L.J. Shelton. We even have reporters in Chicago speculating that the Browns are interested and rumors of Shelton visiting Cleveland in our message forums. There have been no reports of any interest from local sources and Shelton's agents have not returned calls from If there's anything happening on that front, however, we'll let you know.

So, that's about it for this morning's contribution from the world of nefarious journalists.

As Bernie's Insiders continues it's weird and twisting evolution from fan-driven web site to whatever-the-heck-we-are-now, we promise to continue to work on our level of evilness.

In fact, I've got some ideas about evil plots. Maybe we can try to fool fans by leaving other Browns sites which might compete with us out of our Newswire while we busily try to copy their offerings. Hmmmm...

Naaaah! Not even the Evil Media™ could be that evil.

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