Beat The Man - Week Fourteen

The quest for perfection begins in the murderous heat of August two-a-days...but the quest for respect begins when you line up against the enemy and see a reflection of your own striving self. You survive the dangers and climb the mountain, only to be disregarded and ignored. Now, the NFL has a problem - it's called an angry Seahawks team that The Man can't find with his good eye closed...

Last Week’s Results: 0-7 (yup)
Season to Date: 29-43 (“Oyyyyy gevaaaaaaaaaaalt”)
Hawk Picks: 3-4 (aha – consistency!)

Let’s recap what I felt might be my most promising article of the season, shall we?

The Steelers suddenly assumed they were the Colts and had their bunk-thumb QB throw the ball all over the field in an effort to ‘set up’ the Running game. Result? You can’t score with the Bengals – you lose, 38-31.

Carolina reminds me why not to bet on or against them this year (again), as they flip like a pancake following last week’s crap effort at Buffalo – to summarily end the Falcons’ streak of dominance the last few years, 24-6. (BTW, I unintentionally omitted this pick at the bottom of last week’s article, but the write-up counts. There is no escape).

The NYG Defense proves dominant (completely opposite my declaration 2 weeks ago) with a D-line that wants to be named along with Chicago. They manhandle the Cowboys, 17-10. Seahawk fans ticked off by the disrespect I tagged on the win last week – rejoice.

In the shocker game you were going to tell all your friends I predicted - the Colts look quite serious about an undefeated season, thrashing Tennessee to the tune of 35-3. (I was very serious about that upset pick. That wasn’t just to entertain you.)

And I even had Brett Favre going into Bear Country for some season salvation. He responded by lofting a 90yd Int the other way, and clinched the point spread loss with a retarded Int/TD with 3:06 left to play, 19-7 Berenstein Bears (R.I.P., childhood favorite Stan Berenstein).

By 1:15 PST, I was 0-5 and lying on the floor with a fork in my chest. Absolutely nothing I said would occur… occurred. You wasted 30 minutes of your life reading what I had to say about ‘Beating the Man’. He’s been spanking my baby powder ass all year long. By the time he laughed at me for going against 6-in-a-row with Denver? I was too numb to feel it.

And then came Seattle…

Nothing would please me more in losing a +4 pick against Seattle, 42-0. Unless… Madden and Michaels spend the entire 2nd Half discussing the losing team, and how irrelevant this Seahawk performance may be. The entire final 30 was sponged on the team with ZERO points on the board and what went wrong – rather than the team that’s blanking them with 42 of their own. What the hell do you want from us? We’re 10-2, and slaying the NFC champs like no one has come close to doing. That’s not news? Shut up about “T.O.” already!

ABC is dishing out reasons for Philly’s demise and players they’ve lost? How bout the fact we’ve been without Darrell Jackson since Wk4, and Bobby Engram several of those weeks (not to mention cutting last year’s starter Koren Robinson). Our big free agent pickup is Out, in Jamie Sharper (not that he was doing much while in there anyway). We’re starting 2 rookie LBs. Our secondary has been a revolving door, while our FS (who was having a Pro Bowl season) got his head caved in. His replacement, Marquand Manuel (a virtual unknown going in to the season), has been decapitating people on a weekly basis ever since. We’re 10-2, best in the NFC. And having landed a rare appearance on Monday Night - are blanking the ex-NFC champs to a record breaking performance.

Are we not worth discussion?

You’d think I’d be happy following such a performance. Instead – I’m more ornery than ever.

Last week, I called upon this team to ‘Earn it’. They did. We did all we could do to earn the nation’s respect. The Nation chooses to resist it? Well then, they can envy us when we slip the NFC Championship ring on our finger and earn a shot at the Colts’ starting unit. I’m THAT kind of ornery.

It appears the one and only thing that will verify our Seattle Seahawks as ‘greatness’… is a Super Bowl Championship. Not once have I heard a SB Champion of any year referred to as less than that season’s best. It’s the difference between Dan Marino and Joe Montana.

Very well then… let’s go visit Lombardi. I’m strappin’ my boots and a belt on…it’s time for a march.

Now, about that losing streak:

Continuing a theme of disrespect. How can the Bears be getting 6 right now from a struggling Steelers team? Is that because Pittsburgh had their backs against the wall and “must” win? Wasn’t last week just as important – where they could have taken the lead in the Division and pilfered any confidence the Bengals might have this year? Quite the opposite occurred. Pitt served ‘em confidence by putting the ball on the turf faster than I could fix another medicinal drink.

Do you think Chicago might want that ball also?

The Bears are gathering confidence at an alarming rate. Right now, they’re the only team I fear in the race for Top Seed. I’d LOVE for them to lose this game. And since my picks are so abysmal, why not go ahead and put this down as a hopeful 8 in-a-row, eh? (But seriously, Da Bears have done enough the last few weeks while we question them – to appreciate an opportunity at GETTING 6pts for a Defense that won’t let you score.)

DAL –3 vs KC

Hey nowww, I like this pick very much. Mainly because it’s in Dallas and I’m very happy giving only 3. You may have noticed a preponderance of my picks are road teams. That is not by design, it’s simply due to the number forcing me off home teams, as the Man has been killing the home favorites with high numbers this year. (If I was any damned good - I do the research to check the results for all home team faves this year, but – I’m no damned good, so I won’t. “Boooooooooo! Go to the bench!”).

I still feel that Dallas ought to win the NFC EAST. They very much struggled offensively last Sunday in New Yawk, but I will attribute that to a now suddenly urgent G-Man Defense and absolutely retarded decisions by both coaches and players in the final minutes. Dallas was not sound of mind and I’ll call that a one-off, as opposed to a measure of their team this year.

The Chiefs, meanwhile, impressively gamed-up against Denver and eeked out a win in KC. Folks, December in KC has history. However, they are truly up against it the remainder of the season with road games at Dallas and NY (plus home vs SD and Cincy). I would not expect KC to go even in that scenario and their best shot may be to load up on the Chargers wk16 and hope the Bengals are in a rest situation the final week. Expect the Chiefs to fail in both road contests, as both Dallas and NYG have been very strong at home.

Hey, everybody! The Vikings are “the hottest team in the league”! How they get to be media darlings winning 5 in a row against nobody worth anything other than the Giants, while Seattle goes 8 in a row met by apathy – is beyond me.

Way back in Pre-season you saw me go wild for Minnesota, picking them to win it all. By week 3 I knew that pick was a ghastly one. They have done NOTHING since then to earn back my respect. Something is wrong in Minnesota and gathering a few wins while no one was paying attention will do nothing to cure that (Brad Johnson is the difference? They’ve got it all working now? Mike Tice should be commended for his coaching this season? Please – get real).

Besides, the Vikings have covered 5 in a row. And you don’t get to the rare 6 unless you’re actually good (like Denver. And that Charger team that covered 12 so many years ago. They made the playoffs. Minnesota won’t).

NE –3.5 @ BUFF
If the Bills weren’t ready to quit before last week? They are now.

How in the world did Miami make it back into that game last Sunday? My head was already spinning from TiVo-pause-game-swapping the Falcons, Cowboys, Pittsburgh games (not to mention Packers, Titans scores) but I coulda sworn the game was already over, 23-3 in the 4th. Once I managed to pull that fork from my chest and lean over sideways to watch the Denver game, the score said 24-23 Miami. “Huh? That’s a miracle! Um… I need a miracle too! Can you miraculously alter the scores from the other morning games? Pleaaaaaaaaaaase?” (Alas, it wasn’t to be. No matter how much anesthetizing booze I consumed, the other scores never changed. Frown).

New England, while remaining short on Band-Aids, is still in the hunt. You may not respect them come January, but don’t think they’re mailing it in. I’m thinking you could put them out there with an arm tied behind their backs and they’re still going to put pride on the line. Will that get them deep into the playoffs? I heartily doubt it. But it’s enough to put some coin on them facing a Buffalo team that can’t be anything other than sick of themselves.

I really like Carolina this year, they’ve been good to me… I’m kidding! False pick alert! You couldn’t get me to bet on a Panther game for the rest of this season if you strapped me down and forced me to listen to Grocery store Christmas music for 72 hours straight. I might kill myself, but I won’t bet on a Panther game again in 2005 (until 2006 and the playoffs, where I’m forced to due to journalistic integrity. Which I pretend to have).

SF +16 @ SEA
Wow man, that’s a lot of points. I felt good about 12 a few weeks ago, but 16? Them’s Colts numbers!! (Hmm, it appears we may be getting respect from someone OTHER than the media, eh Gents? The Man – fears Seattle).

Do I think we’re going to lighten up and play down to the competition? Naw, I really don’t. This year we’ve ripped into AZ 37-12, HOU 42-10, AZ again 33-19, and Philly 42-0 (though who really considers them inferior to that degree? I don’t). The only team that stinks, that we did not destroy, was the San Francisco treat. That may result in motivational destruction at home (and I’m expecting the fans to be geeked up beyond rational behavior, based on recent events), or it may mean that the Niners are saving their best for us. It’s a West Coast thing. And something to talk about in March when your record sucks and you can’t get a shot at Reggie Bush (expect the Niners to blow that opportunity by beating Houston in week17).

There’s a chance we could lose this game following Monday Night and the reception we earned. But I seriously doubt it. We are far superior to the 49ers… And that’s all I have to say about that (lest I jinx us as well).

There, I managed to write a picks article after blanking 7 the prior week. Here’s to minor miracles…

This week’s Monopoly money:
CHI +6
DAL –3
NE –3.5

…and Red Stripe +16 (I need all the handicap I can get).

“Beat the Man ‘cuz… he’s been so very mean to me this year. Me got bad boo-boo.”

G. Scott Jones is a freelance writer who contributes regularly to Seahawks.NET. Reaction of any sort is always encouraged at Top Stories