Week Six: Déjà vu All Over Again

Outside of the Seahawks.net community, no one will really care. But within that internet community, many may be surprised to realize there's a secret message board forum only visible to a select few. The select few being: staff writers, forum moderators, or odd individuals like myself – who don't fit into either category.

Within that forum, affectionately known as the “Champagne Room”, many important issues and questions are discussed. The colloquies range from which banks should these elite launder their Seahawks.net millions through, which forum member is or should get the boot, how can all of the staff aid Todd Breda (owner and CEO for Seahawks.net) in his quest for world domination, or what in the hell am I doing having access to the forum.

A few weeks ago the lovely and talented dictator, Mr. Breda, invited all of us Champagne Room participants to watch the Rams game at his lovely abode. All were invited, but at the end of the day only a select and important few arrived.

Internet forum communities are havens for the socially awkward and geeky at heart. Adhering to that reality, I’ll give only the forum-handles of the attendees last Sunday. “In da’ house” were: Aros (owner and CEO), Hawkstorian (dreamy), PithyRadish, Sutz, and perennial jailbait Rotak. In case you’re wondering, the wizard behind Todd’s curtain, Editor-in-Chief Doug Farrar, couldn’t make it because his recently purchased Jetstream was being serviced. At least that’s what he told us small-time writers.

Aside from the tension of me being in close proximity of my archenemies, the moderators, the most tenuous predicament of last Sunday was actually locating Castle Breda.

Mr. Breda’s luxurious spread is located in a territory of Washington State that only recently became inhabitable due to a victorious battle over Native Americans. While traveling the many moons required to arrive at his crib, I often looked to my right for a eerily plutonic Sean Astin and a four limb walking mutation repeatedly uttering the term “my precious”. I even took a wrong trail at one point, stopping at a local saloon for directions. Luckily the soiled, black with white pinstripe suit donning, British barkeep was able to give me directions to Castle Breda in between his profanity-laced tirades.

I arrived on the scene later than a 17-year-old girl’s post-prom cycle. Opening the door, and finally escorting me to the viewing area was a husky Asian man. His accompaniment to that corner of the estate would be unmentioned, but the man insisted on displaying that his hat also doubled as a beheading device – as proven via the displaced head of an unsuspecting statue of Todd, adjacent the foyer.

Safely distanced from one of Todd’s many odd minions, I quickly took a seat to partake in the epic battle between the paper lion Rams and my beloved Hawks. Here are some observations from this peanut gallery.

  • If there are any remaining doubters of Tim Ruskell’s acquisition of Deion Branch, they obviously weren’t watching last Sunday’s game. This is only the tip of the iceberg; as to what this player can and will bring to the table. It’s not a coincidence that Branch made a play every time the Seahawks needed it. He’s been doing that in New England for years and will now be doing it for the Hawks.
  • Speaking of Branch, I love the underrated play, the “end-around” being added to Mike Holmgren’s vocabulary. As much as it pains me to say it, Mike Shanahan has routinely and brilliantly used this play for years. Adding another wrinkle to Denver’s prolific running attack.
  • Anyone notice on that end-around who was leading the charge, blocking ahead of Branch? It was none other than Walter Jones. Jones showed the speed and agility of a fullback in a left tackle’s body on that 19-yard scamper.
  • Because I’m void of any independent thoughts, I’d like to echo the notion by many, that the Rams game will be a turning point for the Hawks season…just like last season. Heck, even the much-ballyhooed offensive line appeared to gel in the second half.
  • Is there any more wonder why Jerry Jones and Bill Parcells pursued Josh Brown before Mike Vanderjagt this off-season?
  • How refreshing is it for the Seahawks to finally have a real threat on kickoff returns again? I’m not going too far out on a limb, when I predict he will take one to the “house” before the end of the season.
  • I don’t understand the criticism Ken Hamlin’s drawing for his personal foul penalty, after sacking the “Coal Miner’s Daughter” Mark Bulger. Safeties are supposed to play somewhat reckless and psychotic at times. Playing in such a way adds to the swagger and toughness needed to play the position. You have to take the good with the bad, period.
  • Just like players, coaches need time to get into a zone play calling wise. It doesn’t help matters when audible happy Matt Hasselbeck is routinely changing the call at the line of scrimmage. It makes sense that when Matt lessoned his audibles in the second half, the Seahawks offense imposed its will on the Rams defense.
  • Maurice “only good thing out of Oregon” Morris proved what many knowledgeable fans have been saying for some time, he’s a starting quality running back in this league. All he needed was the carries to get his “swerve on” – no different than anyone else.
  • Thank god Ryan Plackemeier finally figured out that the laces go out, not in. On Josh Brown’s first miss, I envisioned Mr. Brown kidnapping Blitz, leading to an investigation from a Pet Detective.

Unnecessary but Inevitable Acts of Violence

Over the past few weeks a couple of violent eruptions have plagued the NFL and collegiate football.

In the NFL, Albert Haynesworth unprovoked cleat stomp of Dallas Cowboys center Andre Gurode, caused many fans and pundits to shake their heads in disgust. While last weeks University of Miami and Florida International’s sideline clearing skirmish caused the same, if not more of an uproar.

Each act was unforgivable, yes. But were each of them entirely surprising and reprehensible? I say no.

It’s always amazed me that these types of scenarios don’t happen more frequently in the game. Football is an extremely violent game, where most involved whip themselves into a frenzy in order to succeed or even survive. All combatants involved are men teetering on the adrenaline and bile edge. Where the stakes are extremely high.

There’s no place for it in the game, yeah. But let’s not forget what all the sport entails and what’s on the line. It’s football, not curling.

Dr. Feelgood

A little over six years ago, I had a brush with mortality involving the most guarded and intimate of a mans “person”. Since then, I occasionally have struggles with that same area. And will continue to through the remainder of my existence. A recent situation with that area is the reason why this article is late in getting to my meager six readers.

I won’t go into specifics of the situation, but here are a few things I said to the doctor over the past few days;

No gloves, it takes away from the intimacy
The more fingers the better
We're done? Good, I need a cigarette.
No dinner first?

Quick Hits

  • Has anyone ever seen Jim Leyland and Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen’s father from the film Red Dawn in the same room, at the same time? I’m pretty sure they’re the same person. “Avenge my death son!” “Wolverines”
  • Yes, just like the nationally esteemed sports writer Kyle Rota pointed out, Brian Baldinger does wear eyeliner. Seeing him on television, coaxed me to put on Disintegration by The Cure.
  • Nice to see that everyone’s second favorite team, the New Orleans Saints continue to prove they’re a contender not a pretender.
  • Anyone get the feeling that Vince Young is just a winner, despite of what he actually accomplishes on the football field? The Titans have gone from doormat to formidable by simply inserting him in the huddle. Imagine what will happen we he actually learns how to play?
  • If Lou Pinella thought the Seattle Mariners ownership was too complacent for his liking, just wait until he gets a load of the Cubs ownership.
  • What a tough break for University of Washington QB Isaiah Stanback. Just when it looked like he would be able to cleanse himself of the prior year’s poor performances, he suffers a season ending surgery.
  • Evil as it may be, I did smile a tad when Larry Johnson brought down Troy Polamalu by his flowing locks last Sunday. The rules clearly state that hair is considered part of the uniform and it was only a matter of time before someone utilized that extra handle.
  • My dream 3rd/4th round pick by the Seahawks, Devin Hester, continues to prove that I’m the real Mel Kiper. Man, is he electric!

Mule Sniff

Every five to seven years, American movie audiences are treated to a film that’s an instant classic. And that’s exactly what Martin Scorsese’s latest epic, The Departed, is. Like any Scorsese picture you’re treated to incredibly innovative and unique camera movement, a seamless soundtrack, and legendary acting performances.

How perfect a film is it? The weakest link may be Jack Nicholson’s acting.

This week’s sniff goes to Scorsese and the cast of The Departed.

Known very well to friend and foe as "pehawk" in our fan forums, Ryan Davis provides a fresh voice on the Seahawks, Seattle sports in general, and life in a nutshell. Feel free to send your thoughts, recriminations and mule sniffs to Ryan here.

SeahawkFootball.com Top Stories