- "Puke on field during two-minute drill before throwing interception to end Super Bowl"
- "Sustain sports hernia while attempting to tackle player who just intercepted one of your passes"
- "Tear ACL throwing an incomplete
Those are all options that will bring you to the "Career with Philadelphia Eagles ends" page in the choose-your-own-adventure book I'm currently writing about Donovan McNabb. Did I miss any? Pick: Redskins -3
Aside from shoddy cornerback play opposite Mike McKenzie and Olindo Mare kicking like he has a broken foot, the New Orleans Saints are pretty much back to how they were playing last year. Pick: Saints -12
Denver at Kansas City (-3) – Even with Larry Johnson on the sidelines and Herm Edwards flirting with the idea of turning to Brodie Croyle at quarterback, the Denver Broncos are an absolute mess of a team who I don't think can even hang with anyone on the road right now. Pick: Chiefs -3
Minnesota at Green Bay (-6 ½) – As if Brad Childress didn't do enough to submarine the Vikings' season by not immediately inserting Purple Jesus into the starting lineup, he's gone ahead and ruined their collective karma by actually docking wide receiver Troy Williamson a game check for spending the week with his family after the death of his grandmother.
I've watched enough episodes of "My Name is Earl" to know that when the most important player on your offense possesses a glass collarbone, keeping your karma in good shape might be worth your while. Pick: Packers -6 ½
Atlanta at Carolina (-4 ½) – A concussion will keep David Carr out of the lineup which means Vinny Testaverde, who turns 44 years old next week, will have to lead the Carolina Panthers to what they hope will be a three-way tie atop the NFC South. Fun times! Pick: Panthers -4 ½
Jacksonville at Tennessee (-4) – David Garrard isn't ready to come back and the Jacksonville's defense is showing signs of cracking and will be without defensive tackle Marcus Stroud for the next month. Not really the best of times for the rematch with the team that ran for 282 yards on you in Week 1, is it? Pick: Titans -4
Cincinnati at Baltimore (-5) – I feel like a moron for having picked the Ravens and Bengals to finish 1-2 in the AFC North before the season, but this game is actually pretty easy to figure out: Cincinnati is terrible on the road and Baltimore is good at home. See? It's simple. Pick: Ravens -5
Chicago (-3 ½) at Oakland – The Oakland Raiders have lost 4 straight and head coach Lane Kiffin is openly pondering starting rookie quarterback JaMarcus Russell and is threatening to kick the ball directly to the most dangerous return man in the NFL. Here's what I take from that: Even Kiffin doesn't expect the second half of the Raiders season to include many wins. Pick: Bears -3 ½
Dallas (-1) at NY Giants – This Giants defense has improved to the point where this game should be more like the classic NFC East battles these two teams are known for, and less like the smackdown Dallas laid down in Week1.
The spread is practically meaningless, but I'll take the points here. You have to like the Giants coming off a bye week against a team making back-to-back road trips within the division. Pick: Giants +1
Detroit at Arizona (-1) – As a not-so impartial observer (I naturally want the team chasing the Seahawks to lose whenever possible), it's easy for me to choose a winner in this game. Do you want to know who won't have an easy time choosing between Kurt Warner's Arizona Cardinals and Jon Kitna's Detroit Lions? Jesus. Pick: Lions +1
Indianapolis (-3 ½) at San Diego – Both teams are coming off disappointing weeks, although you can kind of excuse what happened to the Colts. There's less shame in losing to the best team in the NFL than there is when you allow a rookie to post break the NFL's single-game rushing yards record against you.
Both teams need this win. San Diego needs it to keep pace with the Chiefs in the AFC West (did I just write that?) and the Colts need it to keep the upstart Tennessee Titans at bay in the AFC South. This is a minor stunner, but I think the Colts are bit too banged up right now to beat the Chargers. Pick: Chargers +3 ½
San Francisco at Seattle (-9 ½) – The 49ers and Seahawks have had disappointing seasons, so naturally ESPN gets to put their billion dollar hype machine behind what will assuredly be one of the lowest rated games the World Wide Leader broadcasts this fall. As a Seahawks fan, I'm sorry that you all have to witness this NFC West game on Monday night. Personally, I'd much rather have this game played at 1pm PDT so that only those who wanted to watch were subjected to it.
However, I do revel in just about anything
that pisses off Tony Kornheiser, and trust me, nothing pisses Kornheiser
off more than him having to go to Seattle to call this game this week. Pick:
Seahawks -9 ½
Last Week: 9-5
2007 Overall: 62-64-4