Black and Gold Rant

Steeler brethren, I just don't have the energy for this right now. I'm spent. I should have gone to bed after the pasting the Black and Gold suffered at the hands of the 49ers last night. Instead, I foolishly hit the rewind button on my VCR, grabbed a Sierra Nevada from the fridge, and relived the whole dirty thing.

So sitting in my cubicle this morning with some bad memories and a bad hangover, I feel obliged to bitch and moan to you, my brothers at the Insiders. After all, it's not like I'm going to be doing work before noon. I might be hung over, but I'm not an idiot. Thanks for listening.

- What in the name of Joseph Stalin happened on that Terrell Owens touchdown? Chad Scott has no business playing corner in the NFL if he doesn't have the common sense to stay upright while running. Kindergarteners have mastered this skill of running. I've seen them, and very few of them have multi-million dollar contracts. I know there are probably some people out there who are saying that cornerbacks are human and they're allowed to fall down from time to time. I say to those people: this is my rant. It is not a place for rational thought or reasonable ideas. Just leave those at the door, you nerd. No one likes you. And get some new clothes.

- And where the hell was the safety on that play? Is it too much to ask that the Steelers to just cheat and put 12 men on the field when no one is looking? Am I the only one who thinks this would help? Just make me the defensive coordinator already, Cowher. Just do it, you pansy.

- Speaking of Cowher, where's the sense of urgency, brother? I remember the days when you'd be spitting in players' faces and screaming at officials like a madman....when the Steelers were winning. Remember that time Kordell threw his fourth pick of the game and you ran out on the field and ripped his throwing arm off at the shoulder and then beat him to death with it? And all the Steelers and everyone in the stands were cheering you on...remember that? Oh wait...that only happened in my head. My bad.

- There's nothing like a false start on third and inches, followed by a slow developing end-around on third and five. Did Mike Mularkey lose a bet or something? Are his buddies forcing him to call these plays on third down because he lost his weekly tennis match? What the hell is going on here? Someone tell me what's going on here!

You know what the really sad thing is, Black and Gold brethren? After watching that slop for a second time, I caught myself thinking that the Steelers still had a chance to win the division. They're only two games back and will be playing the Ravens and Bengals again. So I'm thinking if they can keep pace, there's the two wins they need.

And there's the rub. I can't give up on this season yet. I feel like the guy in the made for TV movie whose wife's been missing for six weeks and he doesn't know if she's dead or not. And his wife's hot sister is over every night to console him in her lingerie, but of course, nothing happens because he's faithful and all that jazz. If he knew that his wife was gone, he could get on with life and start banging his dead wife's hot sister. But no, he sits around like a celibate fool while everyone in the audience knows that his wife drove off a cliff in the first act.

I just need some closure, Steeler brethren. Is that too much to ask for?

12th Man articles are those submitted by members of the online community.

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