For about a year now fans have noted excessive heat in the water, also sighting a lack of a pass rush from the strong side of that defensive line. We were told that the water was at the Red Cross-recommended 78 degrees, and Jason Gildon was given a long-term contract to exclaim the point. I think the fans deserve an explanation of the production expected from sending a defensive end out of his lane on a pilgrimage every pass play.
It seems to us a running lane is created. It seems to us a lane is created and a cordial invitation sent for any QB to roll out and casually burn our secondary. We see no other team in the NFL subjecting themselves to this, and we need to know why it is permitted on this defense. To allow it to occur is to endorse it: it has been endorsed.
The Steelers could have helped themselves by turning up the heat on opponents in game-deciding moments but chose not to, for some reason we can not quote.
Throughout the entire year fans have been complaining about actual bubbles forming under their webbed toes and often they've wondered aloud how any RB or QB could produce with defenders greeting them before any reasonable offensive play could develop. We were told that the bubbles were from gastroenteritis and various medical conditions, and we would all receive our just rewards if only we were patient a little while longer as they worked through the problems.
Sunday we discovered that the bottom of the pond was actually covered in Teflon and most players had become firm, pale and buoyant. The running game has croaked and we patient fans have finally received our rewards, becoming the alternative delicatessen white meat of the AFC North.