When fat guys attack

Blogger Ryan Wilson takes a day off from talking about the Steelers and focuses his attention on the local media. In particular, Wilson looks at a guy who has made a career of failing upwards and it looks like it's finally catching up to him.

One of the reasons I started writing my thoughts down on the internets almost three years ago was because most of what littered the web was the same like-minded drivel that is now responsible for guys like Michael Irvin, Joe Theismann and Stuart Scott still cashing paychecks courtesy of ESPN. And locally, why guys like Mark Madden, between visits to Club Erotica and Krispy Kreme, can make a living yelling about sports on the radio.

In fact, much of my time, when not actually talking about the Pittsburgh Steelers, has been refuting all the sheer idiocy coming from Mark Madden's chubby little lips. And let me tell you, it can be a full-time job if you let it. I liken it to the police detective who's working 24/7 on an important case because it's like he's addicted to it; like it's his fix. That's kinda how I feel about making fun of Madden.

Anyway, his old antagonist Jim Wexell reported yesterday that Sir Chubs-A-Lot was canned from his TV gig:

"Mark Madden has been booted off the Sunday night Channel 4 TV show. Apparently, Hines Ward and Deshea Townsend stopped talking to Channel 4 due to Madden comments. TV insiders expect an apoplectic Madden to poop his pants this afternoon on his radio show… "
[Nelson Muntz] "Ha ha!" [/Nelson Muntz] Couldn't have happened to a nicer jerk.

Since leaving Pittsburgh in 2003, I'd been spared Madden's antics, but I made a point to tune in to his radio show yesterday afternoon for the sole purpose of hearing him blow his top. Well, mission accomplished!

And for those of you who missed the spectacle, I jotted down a few notes; for those of you who aren't familiar with Madden … well, go home, hug your wife and kids and thank baby Jesus for your good fortune.

Either way, here are some nuggets, paraphrased from yesterday's radio show all courtesy of Madden:

- "I've been fired by Channel 4, the Sunday Sports Show, for using 'jackass' during the broadcast, but since I've used the word before on the air, what's up? …Apparently, the Steelers complained and they said Channel 4 wouldn't get anymore player interviews if Mark Madden stays on the show. I have this from a highly placed source at the station." (note: Um, can you have a "highly placed source" at Channel 4?)

- "I'm not surprised by Channel 4 being weaselly, [news director Bob Longo] has been weaselly all his life."

- "It's not my fault you're 3-6 old man Rooney."

- "The Steelers are like the mafia; Pittsburgh's own version of the Kremlin…"

- "Mr. Rooney is nothing more than a typically greedy control freak… "

- "Channel 4 will deny it, the Pittsburgh Steelers will deny it. They're all liars…"

- "I made that show. I was the only true entertainment on that show … the ratings will go down, I promise you that. I invented that show; set the tone and tempo of that show."

- "The Steelers and the media walk hand-in-hand – it's a business partnership. But it's not journalism or news reporting… "

- "I don't need the $100 a week they paid me. It's the principle of it." (note: If I knew he was only making $100 a show, I'd paid him twice that just to stay at home.)

- "[Channel 4 news anchor] Sally Wiggin did a big feature on me for sweeps week but I doubt that'll run now."

- "It's not personal; [the Steelers] are 3-6, they suck. They should get over themselves."

And it went on like that for another five or ten minutes.

Madden's latest meltdown was schadenfreude at it's finest. It's also gave me a reason to search the archives and dig up some of my previous comments on Madden over the last few years. Enjoy:

April 2006

"... Concerning the idiots forking over $30 to read the Trib's 'Xtra' content, well, that would be me... Whatever the case, I can say unequivocally that giving the 30 bucks to the Mark Madden Doughnut Fund would've been a more worthy cause. Other than Tunch's X's & O's column, people should be paid to read that stuff. And that's the nicest thing I can say about it."

January 2006

"… And by the way, there were rumors floating around on the message boards Monday that Madden had a heart attack this weekend. Don't know if it's true, but as much as I don't like what Madden has to say, I hope big chubs recovers (if, in fact, he did have an episode). Plus, if Madden leaves this world, the Pittsburgh-area strip clubs would take a huge hit in lap dance revenue."

April 2005

"… Madden is an insufferable [jerk] who has created a niche for himself much in the same way that Skip Bayless took inane ranting to a whole other level. I know radio producers and station managers are primarily concerned with one thing -- ratings. But at some point you'd think that someone would have a moral objection to Madden calling his listeners 'jackasses,' or their mothers 'sluts,' or even calling a colleague (Wexell in this case) a 'jerk-off.'"

January 2005

"… My first reaction after reading his latest diatribe was, "why does Madden have it in for Bettis?" And then it occurred to me that Madden's suffering from chubby-envy -- he's jealous of any other successful fat-body (for the record, I don't think Jerome is a "fat-body," especially when compared to Madden; in fact I'm in the fat camp that believes Jerome is just "big-boned")."

November 2004

"… Mark Madden has returned from his vacation on Pluto (where even he, due to lack of gravity, can weigh less than three bills) to pen his usual assortment of inanities. His latest victim (although not the first time he's been victimized) is the Bus."

July 2004

"… Given that he was canned by the Post-Gazette last month, I've had to resort to reading through his archived articles to get ideas for stories. Well I came across this gem and I just had to comment on it for it's sheer idiocy.

The article is dated April 30, 2003 and Madden uses the entire space to disparage the Steelers for making the "worst draft pick ever." Who was Madden referring to? They didn't draft Gabe Rivera last year did they? What about Mark Malone? Perhaps Scott Shields or the much maligned Troy Edwards. No, no, no and no. The object of Madden's vitriolic pabulum? Ike Taylor. That's right, the defensive back who's raw athletic ability easily made him the surprise of the 2003 Steeler's season and arguably made him the best rookie on the team (I know there wasn't a lot of competition, but hey, I'm trying to make a point)."

And finally …

A few years ago, Bill Simmons (Page 2's Sports Guy) had an online competition to find his next intern. The application included filling out a form, and for some reason, I thought it would be really funny to write in Madden's form for him.

And yes, I know, I have problems. In fact, some might call it a chubby-chasing obsession. I'll give you that. But look at it this way: without me combating the forces of evil, these here internets would be a much more dangerous place. It's all about perspective, people.

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