Wednesday Apple Pie

<b>Week 4 Analysis</b><p> My poor grandmother! Towah, as we call her, loves Kordell Stewart. She might be the last Kordell Stewart fan in Western Pennsylvania. I can imagine that she probably went to church Sunday morning with her rosary in one hand and her Stewart bobblehead doll in the other, praying for forgiveness for being the last Kordell Stewart fan in Western Pennsylvania.<p>

I can also imagine the disappointment in her eyes as she watched Tommy Maddox trot onto the field. I'm sure she called the Vatican this week to see if they can Fed Ex some Holy Water to Heinz Field.

Kordell Stewart needs all the Holy Water and prayers my Towah can give because, with each game, it's becoming more apparent that his days are numbered. He's been blessed by the grace of God with amazing mobility and arm strength, but his decision-making skills resemble more Peter than Paul.

Now, I like Kordell. I want to see nothing more than Stewart overcome his problems and succeed. I want to see him win a Super Bowl just to stick it to everyone who never believed in him. I just don't think it will be in Pittsburgh.

As Peter King mentioned in a great Monday Morning Quarterback column (, Tommy Maddox opened a huge can o' worms by leading the Steelers to victory. But, lest we all forget, Maddox's heroics would be a moot point had Kimo Von Oelhoffen's head not been in the way of Phil Dawson's field goal attempt, and we'd be in a state of shock at this point.

A few things bother me after three Steeler games:

  • Where on earth is the push on the offensive line? Something tells me teams are stacking 8 men in the box and letting Kordell Stewart shoot himself in the foot.
  • The NFL is trending into this spread offense garbage and I absolutely hate it. First, it renders Jerome Bettis completely ineffective; and second, it mocks the art of run blocking. Give me punishing running any day. That's why it continues to be a joy to watch Priest Holmes play.
  • Jason Gildon needs to shut his yap until he sacks the quarterback or makes a tempo changing stop. This trash talking after meaningless tackles is embarrassing.

The next stop in the train is New Orleans, and I'm sure my Towah will be watching the game with her bobblehead doll and her rosary. But, any more mental mistakes and even the Pope won't be able to resurrect Kordell's career in Pittsburgh.

The Week 4 Six-Pack Review

  1. Oakland 52 Tennessee 25: I think it's safe to assume that the Raiders have moved on from their breakup with Jon Gruden. Something has to be said for a team that led 21 - 0 after only one offensive play had been snapped. And what is the deal with the Titan's injury woes? Players falling like flies, including Derrick Mason and Samari Rolle (again). Must be something in the water, because Jeff Fisher exudes toughness.
  2. San Diego 21 New England 14: The Streak is over. The Patriots' run of 13 straight wins ended in the California sun, but in the strangest way - 217 yards allowed on the ground. Are you kidding me? Drew Brees had only 10 completions for 104 yards. You've got to be kidding me. For all of those folks who say that Marty-ball doesn't work in the playoffs, you must admit that it works pretty well in the regular season.
  3. Buffalo 33 Chicago 27: Great game. Great great game. I watched this one during the commercial breaks of Steelers/Browns and Drew Bledsoe might be the best pocket passer in the league this year. He's definitely passed up Kurt Warner, in case you're wondering. I'm very surprised the Bear defense is allowing as many yards as it has this year. Losing Warrick Holdman for the season really, really hurts. It hurts more than losing Ted Washington and R. W. McQuarters. The Bears won't make the playoffs. Store it away.
  4. Kansas City 48 Miami 30: Slowly and silently, Dick Vermeil is building another St. Louis Rams. Priest Holmes is a beast and Tony Gonzalez deserves every penny of the new contract he received. If the defense wasn't so awful, this team could easily challenge the Raiders and Broncos. Ricky Williams is making a believer out of me. I almost picked him in my roto league but then I remembered how well halfbacks thrive in Miami.
  5. Green Bay 17 Carolina 14: I still don't believe in the Packers. They're making what should be routine wins at home excruciatingly dramatic. This week it took Shayne Graham missing a 24-yard field goal for the Pack faithful to breathe easy. Carolina continues to thrive with Rodney Peete at the helm, the same Rodney Peete who was benched in favor of Ty "Six-Pixs-A-Game" Detmer and Bobby Hoying. I heard Terry "Toothpick" Glenn had a migraine. Next week he'll miss the game because he cracked a finger nail.
  6. Dallas 13 St. Louis 10: Wow. The Rams are an ugly, ugly team right now. Almost as ugly as Mike Martz, but I won't go there. You think Jamie Martin can be the next Kurt Warner? I didn't think so.

The Power Core Rankings: Week 5

  1. Oakland - Reports out of Oakland link the city's largest mafia ring with a recent hit on a Viagra plant.
  2. Philadelphia - The class of the NFC…that's not saying much.
  3. San Diego - Only Priest Holmes is running better than LaDainian Tomlinson.
  4. New England - They won't fall far. Oh, Tom Brady's dating Tara Reid…FYI.
  5. Tampa Bay - Made quick work of the Cincinnati kittens.
  6. Miami - Hmm…where was the run defense? Oh yeah, trampled under foot.
  7. Green Bay - Wisconsin is the new hot spot for Hollywood-scripted drama.
  8. New Orleans - Very surprising loss in Detroit. Now they must deal with a rejuvenated Pittsburgh.
  9. Kansas City - I believe…the defense is still too awful.
  10. San Francisco - NFL scheduled Bye Week. Terrell Owens complains that he should've been involved in that decision.
  11. Pittsburgh - Yes, they move up to the top 12. Now stay there dammit.
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