Upon arriving in Mobile, we immediately sized up some of the draft prospects. Owen Marecic looks like a professional wrestler with his floppy hair and crazy demeanor. Casey Matthews was equally crazy, combining superior genes with an inferiority complex.
Romeo's Juliet is Oscar Mayer
There is no assigned seating at Ladd-Peebles Stadium, but many coaches sit in one spot for every practice. Norv Turner always sat on the west side of the field to watch the offensive linemen and receivers work out. Raheem Morris preferred the east side, where he could see the linebackers and safeties.
And Romeo Crennel? He seemed to ALWAYS be walking by the tailgating RV in front of the stadium, where fans were grilling up hotdogs. If the Kansas City Chiefs spend their fourth-round pick on a six-pack of hotdogs, we want credit for breaking the story. Buns are expected to be available via the supplemental draft.
West Virginia RB Noel Devine weighed in at 160 pounds, 20 pounds lighter than his listed playing weight. As he took the stage at weigh-ins, Kate Moss stood up and told him to eat a freaking sandwich. Devine sat out Wednesday's pass-blocking drills as coaches were afraid linebackers would devour him like Crennel devours hotdogs.
South Alabama WR Courtney Smith gave fans a reason to cheer and scouts a reason to cover their eyes. Despite a terrific build (6-foot-5, 230 pounds) he showed no ability to become a professional receiver. He has bad hands, runs sloppy routes and struggles to diagnose defenses. The only way he makes it to an NFL stadium next year is if he sneaks in inside a hotdog bun.
Coach Chan Gailey
Gailey's practice also included a game clock that counted down as the practice went on. It remains unclear what the clock was used for, but a sticker on top read, "The Ryan Fitzpatrick era." That's not to imply Gailey is in the market for a quarterback, but after watching the South Team QBs struggle on Wednesday, he sent out a Tweet asking God, "I praise you 24/7!!! And this is how you do me!!! You expect me to learn from this??? How??? I'll never forget this!! Ever!! Tnx Tho."
The Cleveland Browns and Tampa Bay Buccaneers both had their entire scouting departments at the practice field on Thursday, a day after most other scouts went back to their respective home cities. Clearly, being forced to work an extra day punished these scouts. What did they do to deserve such a punishment? Here are some theories:
1. They touted the upside of Brady Quinn and the durability of Cadillac Williams.
2. They were caught stealing information off the Houston Texans' draft board.
3. They told their superiors their scouting reports are available to subscribers only.
4. They were in charge of keeping Tanard Jackson and Aqib Talib out of trouble.
5. They helped recruit Derek Anderson and Jake Delhomme.
How's My Driving?
We have one thought after attending our final practice: Time to get out of Mobile, Ala., as fast as possible. Problem is, we hit traffic as soon as our tires touch the pavement on the bridge out of town.
Making matters worse is the stereotypically foreign taxi cab driver in front of us, talking on his cell phone and driving 10 mph under the speed limit. So, what do we do? We call the "How's my driving?" number on the back of his cab. Charlie may have exaggerated his complaint -- "Your cabbie almost killed us twice already!" -- but the cab, like Mobile, is now in our rearview mirror.
Karma's a Cutler
Fifteen minutes after getting a cabbie deported, Charlie is pulled over for doing 76 in a 50. The fine is $131, meaning he must sell 33 new subscriptions just to break even on this trip. Either that or he could sell 131 hotdogs to Romeo Crennel.