Washington Redskins 20, Arizona Cardinals 30
We don't think anyone would have a problem if they just started calling themselves The Skins.
Houston Texans 28, Indianapolis Colts 33
Everything is bigger in Texas (except the total number of check marks in their W column.)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17, Baltimore Ravens 48
Conveniently, "Go Bucs!" rhymes with "Oh f@#$!"
Carolina Panthers 37, Cincinnati Bengals 37
Ties? Isn't that why Americans all hate soccer?
New York Jets 17, Denver Broncos 31
Geno's final pick 6 lead to big-time Vegas payouts and big-time smiles for many. (Not her, obviously.)
Minnesota Vikings 3, Detroit Lions 17
Spends her weekends explaining to young Vikings fans what a "touchdown" is.
Miami Dolphins 24, Green Bay Packers 27
Unlike Hootie and his collective Blowfish, the Dolphins don't make her cry.
Jacksonville Jaguars 14, Tennessee Titans 16
Unfortunately, no extra points for the boots.
Oakland Raiders 28, San Diego Chargers 31
What's black and silver and terrible all over? (Hint: It's a professional football team.)
Atlanta Falcons 13, Chicago Bears 27
Reason #8,431 to dislike Jay Cutler: he wants to make her sad.
Seattle Seahawks 23, Dallas Cowboys 30
The real reason the 12th man is so loud? They're all asking her for her number.
St. Louis Rams 17, San Francisco 49ers 31
Too bad the throwback jerseys didn't come with cyborg versions of the Ram's 2000 Super Bowl lineup.